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Reply To: | St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List |
Date: | Mon, 11 Jan 1999 12:20:11 -0600 |
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----- Original Message -----
From: Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, December 10, 1999 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: Disabilities w/family & strangers
> In a message dated 12/10/1999 10:22:50 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> << My grandmother was more angry and afraid
> of not being able to do what she wanted by herself, than she was of
dieing
> from cancer. I felt very bad for her because her last year of life was
so
> miserable. More than the chemo and her impending death, her loss of
control
> and independance is what made her so miserable. I think part of why I am
> more comfortable with my own limitations today is because I saw how
> devastating not letting go and accepting was to gram. - Denise.
> >>
> I'm not sure where this is going. I know this is way off CP now, and
anytime
> I talk about my own disability it is that way since I don't have CP. But
what
> you said reminded me of a cousin who died of cancer when I was 20. She
was
> in her 60s and kind of a mentor for a few years -- she was such a neat
> person. One day I called her on the phone to chat. When I asked her how
she
> was, she blurted out that nobody would let her talk about dying. We all
knew
> that she was mortally ill at that point, but that subject is so hard for
> people to discuss. I felt terrible for her because she sounded so
isolated
> with her thoughts, so I said "Virginia, I'll let you talk about dying."
>
> I don't remember what we did talk about after that. I felt so bad for her
> though. She knew she was on her way out and couldn't share anything with
> anyone about it. I was only 19, so I can only hope I responded
intelligently
> to whatever she said.
>
> Denise, I think I'm going in a different direction from what you were
saying.
> I remember that my cousin's last year was very hard because of some of
the
> same things that your grandmother went through, but I also have a vivid
> memory of that one conversation when she complained of wanting to talk
about
> end of life issues and not being able to find anyone who could listen
> comfortably. That had such a profound impact. I think it was a positive
> learning experience for the future though.
>
> Betty
>
Betty , you don't have Cerebral Palsy? If I may ask what is your disability
?
Betty brought up a good point here about a cousin. In my real life , people
don't want to hear about my disability problems , expect people who will
give me sympathy and I don't want or need that.
Kathy
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