I agree Gary
-----Original Message-----
From: Gary Peterson <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Wednesday, February 10, 1999 03:48 AM
Subject: Re: Embarrassing CP quirks (TEMPER TANTRUMS)


>I think a big problem for all of us who are disabled (CP or other
>wise) is that we don't know how to like our sels.  While this is by
>know means the perfect answer to any of this, I think I've become a
>much better person to both myself and others because I've learned to
>like myself allot more.  But beleve me when I tell ya it aint been
>easy!  I've come a long way and I think I'm at a point in my life
>where I like myself a whole lot better then I use to.  In fact, I
>think I like myself now better then I ever have before.
>
>But I think it's a real balancing act you know?  Because there are
>still those days when I just feel like crap about everything.
>
>Later-Gary
>
>
>On Sun, 7 Feb 1999, Paul Villano wrote:
>
>> Fiona and others:  When you're having your temper tantrums, is there
>> anything anyone else can do to help?
>>
>> I don't remember whether I posted this to the list before or if Fiona saw
it
>> at that time. I don't have CP but am disabled and an advocate for
disability
>> rights (which is why I'm on the list, to find out more about CP).  I also
>> had a serious relationship with a woman who had CP.  We broke up because
of
>> exactly the thing Fiona mentioned, severe temper tantrums (on her part).
>> She would become very violent and abusive to herself, screaming, pulling
her
>> hair, biting herself, scratching herself, etc.  When I tried to stop her,
>> she'd start hitting and biting me.  If I was out of range, she would
throw
>> things and ended up hitting me with heavier and heavier objects to the
point
>> where it was becoming dangerous for both of us.  (I learned later that
she'd
>> been this way since childhood but her parents tried to hide the behavior
and
>> excused it because of her CP.  You know, the old "Who can blame her, the
>> poor 'crippled' girl!" routine.)
>>
>> She went to all kinds of doctors to find out what it was.  Some blamed it
on
>> the CP, others blamed it on her past.  Basically nobody really knew and
>> everyone was guessing.  Because I had such a low opinion of myself, I
blamed
>> myself for not being able to help her and thought she'd be better off
>> without me, so I ended the relationship.
>>
>> Ironically, we both live in the same town now and I would like to
rekindle
>> the relationship (at least to make peace) but there was so much nasty
stuff
>> that happened when I tried to end the relationship that I'm nervous about
>> contacting them again.  (I started it by getting outside parties involved
>> and things just got worse and worse after that.  Her parents made the
>> ugliness I started uglier and uglier.)
>>
>> I told my Sweetie that it would be fine if she wanted to break dishes or
get
>> pillows and beat on them, etc. but that hitting herself or me (or any
living
>> thing) was out.  But she just didn't seem to be able to control it.
>> Medication didn't help (and she was on all kinds of medication.)  I asked
>> her how I could help and she said "Just love me through it."  I didn't
know
>> how to do that then but I think I have learned how since then.  Like I
said,
>> though, I'm nervous about re-establishing contact.
>>
>> So if there is some hope of controlling these outbursts, I'd be very
anxious
>> to hear how!!
>>
>