I think a big problem for all of us who are disabled (CP or other
wise) is that we don't know how to like our sels.  While this is by
know means the perfect answer to any of this, I think I've become a
much better person to both myself and others because I've learned to
like myself allot more.  But beleve me when I tell ya it aint been
easy!  I've come a long way and I think I'm at a point in my life
where I like myself a whole lot better then I use to.  In fact, I
think I like myself now better then I ever have before.

But I think it's a real balancing act you know?  Because there are
still those days when I just feel like crap about everything.

Later-Gary


On Sun, 7 Feb 1999, Paul Villano wrote:

> Fiona and others:  When you're having your temper tantrums, is there
> anything anyone else can do to help?
>
> I don't remember whether I posted this to the list before or if Fiona saw it
> at that time. I don't have CP but am disabled and an advocate for disability
> rights (which is why I'm on the list, to find out more about CP).  I also
> had a serious relationship with a woman who had CP.  We broke up because of
> exactly the thing Fiona mentioned, severe temper tantrums (on her part).
> She would become very violent and abusive to herself, screaming, pulling her
> hair, biting herself, scratching herself, etc.  When I tried to stop her,
> she'd start hitting and biting me.  If I was out of range, she would throw
> things and ended up hitting me with heavier and heavier objects to the point
> where it was becoming dangerous for both of us.  (I learned later that she'd
> been this way since childhood but her parents tried to hide the behavior and
> excused it because of her CP.  You know, the old "Who can blame her, the
> poor 'crippled' girl!" routine.)
>
> She went to all kinds of doctors to find out what it was.  Some blamed it on
> the CP, others blamed it on her past.  Basically nobody really knew and
> everyone was guessing.  Because I had such a low opinion of myself, I blamed
> myself for not being able to help her and thought she'd be better off
> without me, so I ended the relationship.
>
> Ironically, we both live in the same town now and I would like to rekindle
> the relationship (at least to make peace) but there was so much nasty stuff
> that happened when I tried to end the relationship that I'm nervous about
> contacting them again.  (I started it by getting outside parties involved
> and things just got worse and worse after that.  Her parents made the
> ugliness I started uglier and uglier.)
>
> I told my Sweetie that it would be fine if she wanted to break dishes or get
> pillows and beat on them, etc. but that hitting herself or me (or any living
> thing) was out.  But she just didn't seem to be able to control it.
> Medication didn't help (and she was on all kinds of medication.)  I asked
> her how I could help and she said "Just love me through it."  I didn't know
> how to do that then but I think I have learned how since then.  Like I said,
> though, I'm nervous about re-establishing contact.
>
> So if there is some hope of controlling these outbursts, I'd be very anxious
> to hear how!!
>