---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 12 Jun 1999 20:59:03 PDT
From: Scott L <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask], [log in to unmask], [log in to unmask]
Subject: Alcohol Warnings

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such
as:

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
asshole.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't
remember)
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, hereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
disappear.
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.


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