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Dear All,
I wrote to the list because I was unhappy my mother didn't appear to be trying
very hard to accomodate my gf and df status. People sent many stories to show
my experience was not unusual; it seems love and poisoning are not mutually
exclusive. (Of course, love and dysfunctional relationships aren't mutually
exclusive either. And I do believe intentionally giving a child something one
knows will cause illness is symptomatic.)

Thank you very much for the support and comic relief. My step has been a bit
lighter since you shared your experiences. Some of the stories follow.
***************
My mother-in-law bought original recipe Kentucky Fried Chicken because she was
sure the Extra Crispy had wheat in it...
*************
I am allergic to red meat (yes, try and get people to believe that!!).  I get
responses like "Well, I only put a little meat in the lasagne" or "How bout if
you just don't eat the meat in it"  or "How bout if we just pick the meat out"
... GRRRRRR!  And then my mother questioning, "Well, how do you make a meal
without meat?"   or "How do you get your protein?", etc.  I do just fine,
thank you, but it is frustrating when people just don't "hear" what you are
saying.
*************
I don't know what my mother (long deceased) would have done, since she gave up
cooking after I left home.  When we visited with our brood of 4 for Easter,
she claimed she didn't know how to boil eggs anymore or to make sandwiches for
the rest (I don't know how they like them).  It was not Alzheimers, it was
passive/agressive behavior.  Please don't be too hard on your mom.  Out of my
children, only one really has learned the diet.  I've been on it for 22 years.
When we decided to visit our eldest in Germany, he asked, "can you eat beef
and pork? This is a 33 year old nuclear physicist-so I think we are the
victims of our relatives, no matter what generation they are. Fortunately my
daughter-in-law in Germany went to great lengths, even pulling up recipes from
the Net. Of course we never had chance to make them but her effort was deeply
appreciated.  She also made chicken with a tortilla coating, especially for
me.  Unfortunately, my other daughter-in-law seems oblivious to what is going
on with my CD.
*************
I think I have the same family as you.  My sister-in-law scoops macaroni salad
on my plate then questions if the lemonaid is OK.  I no longer try to explain
and educate, I just always bring my own food - everywhere!
**************
Don't worry.  I didn't get a birthday cake this year because my mother didn't
know where to find one or how to make one.
***************
My Mom periodically will offer me cookies at her house - followed by - Oh you
can't have that! I have gotten over taking it personally, maybe it's just that
she can't accept the fact that I really do have a disease.  She has no problem
with my niece who was diagnosed diabetic at age 9 - knows  all about that -
but has never taken any interest in learning a thing about celiac.  C'est la
vie.  I just take things along with me where- ever I go that I can eat and get
by on.
***************
My father, the pharmacist who checks all my medications
to see if they are GF, still can not remember that I can't eat pizza.  I think
a sense of humour should be manditory with cd!
***************
I'm going home for my first GF Christmas and as requested sent  my mom a list
of what I can't eat AND what I can. (It is a long list as I have food
allergies as well.) Even so, she still keeps asking Can you have milk? and so
on. I find it difficult to understand. I think she's actually more worried
about not being able to make a perfect GF apple pie than I am, since I have
basically given up on making GF, corn-free, soy-free, potato-free baking
goods.
***************
I'm one of those list mothers!  My three daughters are all gf.  I think it's a
generational thing.  My mom is always trying to get me to agree that a little
of this or that won't hurt... and my in-laws are just as bad. They are set in
their ways and there's no way I can convince them that a few bread crumbs in
the margarine is a problem.  I have to be extremely picky around them because
I can't trust them.  That ends up causing hurt
feelings.  But that's life -- gf life that is.
**************
As for your mother - she sounds like my mother. Actually last night was the
first time I have ever heard my mother say that some baking brought to our
Chanuka dinner could have been made with rice flour, rather than wheat flour.
Usually she says that she has to make things the way she always has, like
using bread crumbs instead of potato flakes as a binder.
***************
Your story about the fruit cake reminded me of a recent family gathering where
my mother and my aunt went to great pains to keep separate serves of GF things
for me.  For example, a potato salad with no dressing while everyone else had
it with mayo.  My mum proudly gave me a bowl of pasta that she had kept aside
while everyone else had pasta with 'forbidden' gluten containing sauce.  I
laughed and laughed!  They tried really hard but were so busy looking for
'hidden' gluten that they didn't see the obvious stuff!
************
your mother sounds like my grandmother-she contaminated left over gf pecan pie
with non-gf pumpkin pie-shoved it all in the same container. they mean well,
just don't understand.my almost 5 year old son is our celiac and i do make all
kinds of special gf goodies for him..poptarts, goldfish crackers, cupcakes
etc. besides nobody really eats fruitcake anyway do they??
***********
I also was sick a lot as a child, most of which was related to the foods my
mother fed me. Even though it's a bit difficult to understand as I had so much
diarrhea and vomiting, I have to believe that she fed me the things she did
out of love. When I stop to think just how difficult celiac is to diagnose,
well, I can't get too upset with everyone. Although I would dearly love to
give some of the doctors who've misdiagnosed me over the years (and should
have know better) a kick in the butt. I'm 43, and I've just been diagnosed
glutin intolerant after years of being told my symptoms were/are all in my
head.
**********
My mom and other family members who don't live with me frequently describe
wonderful wheat laden foods they just ate or suggest I eat something then I
have to remind them I can't.
**********
My Mom always bakes cookies for me at Christmas.  This is the first year I'm
gluten free and she just doesn't get it (I've explained it to her countless
times). I bought a gluten-free chocolate chip cookie mix from the health food
store and gave
it to her a few weeks ago. All she has to do is add water. Well, when we
talked on the phone this weekend she said she didn't think that would make
enough cookies so she's going to also make some whole wheat cookies. "You CAN
eat WHOLE wheat, can't you???" Aghhhhhh!!!
*********
I hear you on the "mom" issue!  Mine still thinks (3-1/2 years after my
diagnosis) that "all natural" is ok - and that anything made in Europe and
imported should be ok, since "they don't process foods as much as we do."
Argh! :-)  (Needless to say, I'm _really_ cautious about eating at my parents'
house....)
*********
I have experienced the same situation as you, my father is like that " but
there is only one tablespoon of breadcrums in it, that can't hurt!" I don't
know how many times I've tried to explain to him... My wife the CD always had
a problem with my mother. She never put anything in the ham loaf that would
hurt her, but on the was home we always had to stop for the sick session.
Finally Glenda just made an excuse not to eat the so called GF ham loaf and
every thing was OK. We lived a few hours drive away. We certainly understand.
But we still always tell and try to explain, over, and over, and over. A
thirty year battle of education.
************
 Although, my mother completely understands when I tell her what I can't eat,
I have friends who think I'm nuts or something and one actually kept saying,
eating a hot fudge sundae in front of me, "Oh Karen, can't you just have a
little?  This is so good." Then she proceeded to keep exclaiming about it,
knowing that I'm lactose intolerant, and I can't eat anything that I don't
know the list of ingredients included.
*************
...and then there's my friend Joni, who invited me to dinner last
month, saying not to worry, she understands the diet perfectly.  The casserole
she made was topped with bread crumbs, but she was careful to use the right
kind.  Since she knows I can't eat wheat, she used WHITE bread....

What can you do but laugh?
***********
I think all of our moms have blind spots.  I love my mom (she even invents and
collects gf recipes for my celiac son - and she bought us a bread machine and
pasta maker!) - but growing up, she never realized that I wasn't 'lazy' - I
liked to sleep a lot - I was highly allergic and anemic.  I eventually (semi
'tongue in cheek') had my very obliging physician send her a note - so she
would stop sending me down jackets and pillows!!!