In Support of the Conspiracy Theory of Preservation

On August 1st the restoration crew at the College of Wholly Mounted Canadian
Geese discovered an alien life form. This profound discovery may finally prove
that we are not alone in the universe.

The extraterrestrial was stumbled over in the early morning hours while it was
cowering in the cold drizzle atop the roof of the central porch.

"I walked over there that-a-way and got me feet tangled up in the cord and
fell down," said one of the workers we interviewed, "Almost I went off the
roof when I seen that ugly thing. I'm gonna have nightmares. Almost."

It appears to have been there for quite some time prior to the discovery as by
the time of the initial encounter it had grown long spidery tentacles outward.

"We think it was hungry and searching for sustenance," said Sid Jones of the
Sanitation Department who was called upon to advise our investigative team on
controlled disposal procedure.

Not having found sufficient nutrients, or possibly having a negative reaction
to our abundant earth environment, we believe the creature expired sometime in
the night.

There is some evidence that having mistakenly entered into electrical outlets
with its tentacles that the creature was electrocuted.

"This could have been an attempt at mating in order to preserve its species
here on earth," said Professor Fibliedang from the geography department.

Obviously, the attempted bonding was a failure though we continue to watch the
building for other signs of alien life.

Left behind was a loud audio signal that we have not been able as yet to
decode.

A sample of the skin tissue was taken back to our friend's laboratory where it
was bombarded with neutrons in his basement nuclear reactor. As soon as we are
able to locate the sample, it may have vaporized, then we will be able to
determine the specific galaxy of origin.

"We have never seen anything like this," said Buzz Waldren of King's Carpet-a-
Rama of Bullamanka.

Examination of non-radiated samples reveals that we don't have a damned idea
what this thing is made of. It appears to be an unknown polymerized substance.
All we can say with confidence is that it is a deep gray-green tissue that
stretches when pulled on.

"It got Elvis all over it," said Mr. Pawlukiewitzmershicki who happened to
look out the window the night before just as there was a bright flash of
light.

Our special consultant was called in to exorcise the alien before anyone dared
approach it any closer. Our consultant can clearly be seen with the castle
cross at his back as he channels the power of Our Lord and Savior through his
right hand index finger directly from the heavens above and deep into the
bowels of the alien beast that now lies inert and harmless on the roof deck.
If you squint you can make out the blue-green aura surrounding our
consultant's collar.

Notice the last gasp of life and alien defiance of American freedom and
democracy as the beast shoots a tentacle out to the right side past our
consultant's special anti-alien shoes in an effort to lasso the unsuspecting
man.

][<en Follett