SOS Gab & Eti 1.36

“Like fear of prophecies contained in dreams, the fear of writing
eternal words is the real reason for verbosity.” Yevgeny Yevtushenko

The theocratic anarchists in Bullamanka recently had an uprising of
spirits that has caused Gab & Eti no end of troubles.

For over a year, the fate of the First Ordinary Church of Theocratic
Anarchy in Bullamanka has divided the residents of the normally
buncumbled hamlet. The Holy Unleader realized the need for a larger
church to accommodate a growing horde of discontents and complainers,
and a new, larger church was proposed and approved by nobody in
particular. Wigers & Wigwams Architects, who specialize in retro fast
food establishments, designed the digs that, in the words of Dr.
Eldunker, visiting the Orgrease Outhouse Theme Park on a research
fellowship, “Looks like a glass birdcage exploding into the magnificent
night of the eternal Phoenix with a wreath of plaster peonies!”

But many of the members of the church did know that the expansion
project would mean the demolition of their old wood and stucco shed,
which did not hold important memories and emotions from years – even
generations – of theocratic anarchists but at least gave them something
vigorous to complain about.

While none of the parishioners expressed coherent disagreement that a
larger church building was not needed to accommodate the more than
forty-three families who are theocratic anarchists, some parishioners
and residents of Bullamanka became passionate in their efforts to save
the 100-year old existing hut from demolition. It had never bothered any
of them before that the Holy Unleader was the only one capable of
occupation of the space while the rest of the horde stood around
outside, behind or around about, waiting to hear the Holy Horns, rain,
sun or shine.

In a conflicting legal decision, which was interspersed with emotional,
scatological, and religious overtones, Justice Yuro Peese Uckerknobb
ruled against the Committee to Save the First Ordinary Church of
Theocratic Anarchy. He said, “I don’t have time for this nonsense.” It
was obvious to all assembled that since losing his reading glasses Judge
Uckerknobb did not want to burden himself to read all of the forty two
separate motions he had received to reverse the decision of the Holy
Unleader.  Beside that, it was time for lunch. On leaving the courtroom
he turned to say, “I hereby rule against granting historical status and
cannot wait another day until that unsightly shed is burnt to the
ground. Make it done.”

While the subject structure is undoubtedly revered in the hearts of its
parishioners and is, no doubt, beautiful, the record herein does not
convince the court that the criteria meeting the necessary conditions
for historical status have been met, “ wrote Uckerknobb in his decision.

At times the conflict became unbearable for all involved. There was cake
eating and pie throwing that quickly escalated to bottle throwing with
at least one report of a car with a radio that kept turning off for no
good reason. Mayor Andweard Almund, at one point, was fretting that he
would have to call on Ananga Aruna, the Town Supervisor, in order to
declare a county of emergency and deploy the Bullamanka Reserve Guard.
On consideration of the depleted resources of the Bullamanka Treasury,
seeming to be piling up on Gab’s side of the table, they conferred,
reviewed, belched in aliphatic unison then declined to proceed and
continued with their Saturday night poker. This was fortuitous as the
Bullamanka Reserve Guard, all three members, was off to Elmira for
confidential maneuvers. At least Gab said they were on maneuvers,
despite my suspicion that they would be spending big time staggering
behind their wives touring outlet malls with Halloween approaching.

Reconciliation seems difficult if not impossible for some of the
parishioners who say that vicious tactics by the local fascist, and
public condemnations in Monday night sermons against those who tried to
save the church, have distanced them. “I was ridiculed, harassed, spit
on, imperiled, crucified and my job was threatened by church officials
simply because I believed in saving the old church, “ said Jan Olaafson.
“How can I consider returning to a church that has exhibited such
Christian values?”
--
][<en Follett
SOS Gab & Eti -- http://www.geocities.com/~orgrease
Bullamanka-Pinheads website
http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?A0=bullamanka-pinheads