SOS Gab & Eti 1.31

“But I must tell you that this project has seriously impacted my
personal/professional preservationeerista standards, and posed me with a
grave dilemma.  Each tile has six five-eighths inch long edges, each
shared with six other tiles.  By my calculations, I have engaged in
scratching out approximately 933 linear feet of joints.  This is only
sixty feet short of the height of the Eiffel Tower, and just over three
times the height of the Statue of Liberty (including the base) with
which you may be more familiar.
My dilemma?  It was somewhere around reaching the second Statue of
Liberty that I began to seriously question my devotion to original
fabric.  I know that we are supposed to retain it wherever possible, but
I was confronted with feelings that maybe I should have just tiled over
it with new hex tiles.  Of course, now I had invested too much into the
project and was doomed to see it through, but to even be having these
thoughts...horrible, horrible..” Leo Badkare, Hexed in Raleigh

Dear Mr. Badkare: In your bathroom you scratched joints in excess of
fourteen times the length of your intestines. That is seven times the
length of intestine for you and your wife combined. This brings into
question a very serious problem. Either you began to fag out on the task
somewhere after completing your intestinal portion of the work which
demonstrates a lack of fortitude, or after completing your wife’s
morsel, whomsoever you deem you were first attending. There is nothing
tripe about this. If the quondam then I am bamblasted and exfoliated at
your disconsideration of your mate’s needs. If the second of two things
then you may have one of those geriatric personalities that does
everything bass akwards. Do you have any of those seedy amateur photos
to prove the case? Is there a full moon over Raleigh tonight? This
consideration of your intent in endurance scratching, for which you
should either take possession of a medal or a stiff kick, overshadows
any contention of impeachment. I would only consider retirement, in your
sorry case, if you now propose to refinish the bedroom floor while
hanging upside down from the ceiling with the implementation of an adze.

“On a less philosophical and more practical note: We often lay a sheet
of plywood or metal over an historic floor and lay a new floor on top of
it, and call it high preservation at lowest cost. All the original
material, including the old failing grout is still there and could be
uncovered at any time.” John Leeke

As to conviction, if you conserved and scratched grout for the hexed
tiles behind the throne I am sure that you have made undiminished
restitution for your evil thought. The purpose of confession is to rid
one of guilt over trivial hypocrisy. The habitude of public apology
makes it practicable to continue without guilt in all sorts of improper
things. There is no cover-up here. There was never any intent to
deceive. There is no concept of leaving the dirty work to future
generations. There is no raising of the floor level to confuse toddlers.
Go my friend; continue on in faith of preserving the all encompassing
universe. Fulfill your destiny of divine protector of sentient building
materials. Go forth in strength while bearing in mind that now that you
have such an intimate relationship with your bathroom floor that it will
never descry cause to stand up and revolt against your physical abuses
even unto the glorious apocalyptic day of the final trumpet blow.

Leo, are you out of the den?

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][<en Follett
SOS Gab & Eti -- http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/5836