Hey folks,

I just got home from an intense argument with a local raw food guy. When I
checked my email, I discover that you have all been discussing the same
subject!

This raw friend is very difficult to talk to. It's tiring. It feels like a
competition. He has to be "the authority" and passes snap judgements on
whatever words I squeeze in edgewise. He doesn't listen. He doesn't ask
questions. He knows everything and doesn't show interest in other
perspectives. He just waits til I'm done talking and continues preaching at
me. He is extremely passionate about his points of view. But I wish some of
that passion applied to his ears. It's a real "toxic" relationship (thank
you for that description, liza).

Well, today, I decided to "call him on it". I decided to give him some
feedback on how he comes off to people. He's been criticized before, but he
hasn't taken any responsibility for his part in it.

The irony is, he really wants people to think for themselves.

"People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care."
(it's a worn out old saw, but I used it anyway. I asked him to focus less
on the CONTENT of the conversation and more on the interpersonal connection
during the dialog. I said, "You don't have to betray your beliefs. Just
show some interest in what others have to say. Ask me a question. Don't
pretend to agree. Just listen. It's not like you won't get your turn to set
me straight. I said, you can't push your point of view so hard that the
other person is completely invalidated before they even open their mouth!"

Unfortunately, I couldn't make my point very smoothly. It is so hard to
communicate when the other person doesn't know how to listen. It is such
hard work!!! He kept wanting to shift away from the point I was trying to
make.

It's not so much about raw food, (although this guy is a raw fanatic), to
me the issue is about being able to communicate without invalidating others.

Jon