I had a similar problem with my kids (1 allergic almost 4 year old and a
5 year old with no allergies.  By the way, I have celiac disease and
diabetes).  I decided to make and serve only foods that everyone could
enjoy in order to keep it easy on myself.  Between work and the children
and all of the other challenges on our time, we decided this was 1 place
where we could control the level of stress and did what we could to
reduce it.  Of course there are a few exceptions.  I try to limit those
to foods where the allergen free products are very expensive (for
example, wheat-free vs. wheat-based pastas and breads).  When the
allergy free product is pretty dismal (like dairy free cheeses) we all
stopped eating them and none of us really miss them.  This has worked
pretty well for my family and both of my kids (now almost 5 and almost
4) know what each of us can and can not eat.

This approach is easy for me since I have never been a fan of prepared
foods or mixes.  I discovered long ago that I could usually make the
same thing better and cheaper by starting from scratch with a minimal
amount of extra time or effort.

Special occasions like parties at my house have plenty of wheat-free and
gluten-free and dairy-free food choices.  If someone brings along
something else, I usually put it out after the kids have become involved
with something other than food just so I can relax and enjoy the party
rather than constantly patrolling the house to see what my son is eating
now.  Parties at someone else's home requires a more watchful eye.  My
husband and I trade off the responsibility so we all get some time to
enjoy the party.

Educating schools and daycare providers has been a little more of a
challenge.  My son is in family day care where he is fed 2 meals and 2
snacks daily.  I have given the provider a list of foods as well as
recipes for Paul.  I also give her "safe" bread, treats,
milk-substitutes, pastas, cereals, et c.  She  accomodates Paul's
restrictions, but limits him as well.  She likes to serve the kids meals
with sauces and gravies.  Rather than try to make them without milk or
wheat, she gives Paul foods without the sauce.  The other kids get
Swedish meatballs on noodles; Paul gets little round balls of plain
ground meat on rice.  Fortunately, Paul doesn't seem to mind.  We have
reinforced that his food is special and good for him.  I think as he
gets older this may be more of a problem.  For right now, though, he's
cool with it.

Cathy in CT
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