Susan - Our 2 1/2 yr old has been anaphylactic to milk since she was about
9 months old and has always been in day care.  I was at first extremely
nervous, but I talked to the day care provider at length about her allergy
(actually I interviewed several before I found one I felt comfortable with)
and I provide her food.  Now at 2 1/2 years, she knows that she can't eat
things with milk in them.  She will pretend to read labels and tell me
that we can't have it cuz of the milk.  When the day care provider tells
her that she can't have something, my daughter tells me to read it when
I go to pick her up.  I do have a few snack items at the day care that
she can have (marked in big letters that it is ok) and I've told the provider
that fruit and fresh veg are always ok.  This way on those big appetite
days, she's got something safe to rely on.  I have also taught her how
to use the epipen, give benadryl and to call 911 if she can't get ahold
of either me or my husband immediately.  We had one incident (in almost
2 years - no bad) and she did everything right, except use the epipen,
but the benadryl slowed her reaction so when I got there I gave the shot.

Good Luck - but don't let this thing rule your life.

Kass