No, it's not me writing, it's my guidedog.  LOL!  OK, I don't even have a
guidedog.  LOL!  Anyway, yes, it's me...

I really don't feel quite adiquit to say much at this point.  A lot of very
very emotional things have happened to me since I left, and really I don't
quite know how yet to best word it...  Physically, i'm ok, but emotionally,
and mentally, I'm a wreck.  It got so bad that i gave myself neumonia for
about 2 weeks close to 2 and a half...  i'm ok now though...  I'm not gonna
really say more right now except that I've majorly gone down a very bad, and
very dangerous road...  I mean, it's like on one hand, i do, but on the
other hand, I don't wanna get better...  i've gotten, I guess, so confused,
that now, I almost kind a feel like people have told me over and over, God
loves you, and this, and that, but, how do you really truely know it...  I
mean, how do you really truely know that it's true...  see, I'm not meaning
purposely to doubt, it's just that how can one believe when even on faith
i've gone feeling that he loved me, well, not so much feeling, as
believeing, but yet, don't feel loved.  Then, this also led me to another
question:  if God's so quote: unquote:  righteous, then why, especially in
the old testament, was he always demonstrating his wrath, more than his
love...  he killed everyone except Noaa and his family, he allowed Job to
suffer, he destroyed the walls of a city in jeraco, i mean he made it where
all people couldn't understand each other, thus, making it harder to witness
to other nations without the need for translators, etc.  See what I mean?


So, then in the new testament, we hear some about God, but it's more based
on grace, of Christ, not of God.  So, see, that in itself to me, almost
sounds like a contradiction.  And lastly, as many religions as there are in
the worlde, how do we know that Christianity is right.  I mean Bootests will
tell you that there's is right... we will tell others ours is right... Jews
will tell people that there's is right...  Hendews will tell that there's is
right, etc.  Everyone seems to be stuck on my? my? my?  rather than what
really does the quote:  creator of the universe, really want us to think as
one in a whole is right...  i mean, I don't think one religion should bash
anyone elses deity under my opinion.  i think it's kind a whatever we in our
hearts think is true.  i dunno, maybe I'm majorly just screwed up in the
head, don't know...  anyway, if anyone has any comments, you can write on
list, or off list to:

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Take care...


Chris.