John,
Those were excellent.
Sandy
> On Jan 10, 2015, at 6:50 AM, john s <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Some old, some new.
>
> text of forwarded message follows:
>> From: Hand In Hand <[log in to unmask]>
>>
>> *A SPECIAL KIND OF HUMOR*
>>
>> *LOT'S WIFE *The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
>>
>> *GOOD SAMARITAN* A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
>>
>> She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
>>
>> A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
>>
>>
>> *DID NOAH FISH? *A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
>>
>> "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
>>
>> *HIGHER POWER *A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We've been learning how po powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power.
>>
>> Can anybody tell me what it is?"
>>
>> One child blurted out, "Aces!"
>>
>>
>> *MOSES AND THE RED SEA *Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
>>
>> "Well, Mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he reached the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
>>
>> "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his Mother asked.
>>
>> "Well, no, Mum, but, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
>>
>>
>> *THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD *A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorise one of the most quoted passages in the Bible� *Psalm
>> 23*.
>>
>> She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
>>
>> Little Rick was excited about the task but he just couldn't rremember the Psalm. *
>>
>> After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
>>
>> On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
>>
>> When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."
>>
>>
>> *UNANSWERED PRAYER *The preacher's five-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
>>
>> One day, she asked him why.
>>
>> "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
>>
>> "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
>>
>>
>> *BEING THANKFUL *A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"
>>
>> The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
>>
>>
>> *UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER *During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.
>>
>> Tommy's mother was horrified.
>>
>> She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"
>>
>> Tommy answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!"
>>
>>
>> *TIME TO PRAY *A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
>>
>> "Yes, Sir." the boy replied.
>>
>> "And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.
>>
>> "No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime"
>>
>>
>> *ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS *When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (*current and past*).
>>
>> For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."
>>
>> This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
>>
>> My curiosity had the better of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"
>>
>> Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"
>>
>>
>> *SAY A PRAYER* Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.
>>
>> Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
>>
>> When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
>>
>> "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.
>>
>> "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
> text of forwarded message ends:
>
> John
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