Unconnected Linked Memories
By Phil Scovell
I have at least three enfant memories of which only one
was confirmed by my mother. I won't recollect all three memories
except for the one related to the topic of linked memories which
are seemingly unconnected.
I was literally an enfant when this first of three memories
occurred. I told my mother about it many years ago, before she
passed away, but she had no memory of it herself so she couldn't
confirm the reality of the memory I had.
The memory was when I must have been about two or three
months of age. It is a snapshot type picture, that is, a single frame
with no other things involved except myself, the room, and the crib
I was in. I was in the basement of a church. No, I have no idea
how I know this but when I see the memory in my thoughts even
yet today, I know I am in the basement of a church. There is some
sunlight still coming through the windows but it is nearly sundown
because I remember the light was turning to dusk. I also somehow
knew it was in a church, a small country church, or a church in a
small town, where my father was preaching. He often drove 50 to
60 miles on Sunday mornings, or evenings, to country churches
without pastors and preached, at sometimes, every Sunday for
several months until the church was able to afford a full time
pastor. On Sunday evenings, sometimes morning services, too, the
family went with him. In this case, as I said, I could tell by the
light slanting through the basement windows, evening was fast
approaching. It was also warm so I new it was summer type
weather outside. I wasn't hot, or uncomfortable, but it felt just
right to me. I was lying on my back. A baby bottle was lying on
top of me but the nipple had slipped out of my mouth. I was alone
but I was aware someone wasn't far away, my mother perhaps, or
some lady in the church watching me while mom played the piano
for the service upstairs or while she sang a duet with my father.
No, neither one of them could sing very well and mom had a high
squeaky voice but I learned a long time ago, it didn't make any
difference in smaller churches such as we attended when dad was
preaching. Normally nobody could play the piano or sing very
well in the church anyhow. Dad could play the harmonica very
well, however, and as kids, we used to always beg him into playing
at home because, Corky, my fox terrier dog, hated the sound of
that instrument. He would howl, bark, and carry on something
terrible when dad began to play. The piano never bothered Corky
but boy did he hate the harmonica. So, back to my memory.
As I said, I was the only person in the memory event. The
most memorable part of the actual memory picture, however, was
the safety I felt. No fear, no worry, and absolutely nothing
frightened me about being alone. I just felt perfectly content.
There is no more, nor less, to this memory. That was it; plain and
simple. So, what does such a memory have to do with anything?
First, let me tell you that I heard, on Focus on the Family,
many years ago, Doctor Dobson, and two guest child
psychologists, on the radio. They had written a book and recorded
some tapes about this very issue of tiny children, even babies,
having memories. My mom actually heard the program and
ordered the tapes for me because she knew of my enfant memories.
Doctor Dobson actually confessed that he, too, had a few of
incredibly early enfant memories so I guess I'm not so crazy after
all. The child psychologists affirmed that children with very early
memories of this nature are generally highly creative people.
In English class during my senior year of high school, we
had been given a reading assignment. I had met with my teacher at
least once because I had given her one of my short stories and she
wanted to talk to me about it. She was one, of two, high school
English teachers that strongly suggested, as a 17 year old high
school student, to consider becoming a professional writer. I
thought they both were joking at the time.
In this lady's English class, after we had conducted
the reading literature assignment, which had some poetry
we were required to read, she was asking student's opinion
about the poetry. I generally am not a fan of most poetry,
especially the classical type, but one of the poems caught
my interest. I still have it on my computer to this day.
Believe it or not, it was written by the husband, Percy
Shelley, whose wife wrote Frankenstein, Mary Shelly, in
the early 1800's. If you wish to read "The Cloud, click on
the link at the bottom of this article. By the way, the only
classic I read in high school that I truly liked was
Frankenstein and not because it was scary, like I figured
from seeing the movie, but because of the immensity of
Christian truism the story carried. I only read it once, it
was too boring to read more than once, but I remember it
well.
During the class discussion, of which I
rarely participated, when the topic of the poem by
Shelley called The Cloud came up, most students who
replied, said they didn't like the poem at all. I raised my
hand, to the teacher's amazement, and when she
acknowledged me, I told her the poem was one of the best I
had ever read and that I rarely cared for old poetry of any
type back then. She then asked me why, along with some
other related questions, and then she paused and said, "You
know something, Phil. Knowing you as I do, I'm not at all
surprised you like The Cloud by Shelley because you are an
abstract thinker." I knew it was a compliment but it was
years later before I understood what she meant.
My so-called abstract thinking, as it were, according to my
long ago English teacher, turns out to be a spiritual asset once the
Lord called me to be an intercessor years ago in 1985 when I was
about 33 years young. It has been in recent years, about the time I
turned 50 years of age, before I had a spiritual understanding of the
abstract thinking concept. In prayer sessions, I find myself
thinking in ways that assists the person in thinking about
possibilities on unraveling confusing and confounding memories,
concepts, dreams, and personal experiences. No, it isn't a skill, a
learned technique, or spiritual, or mystical, methodology I obtained
by being smart. That's something I ain't, smart, that is. I'm just a
common old western boy, more farmish than city sophisticated,
who wears a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, no horse yet, and lives
a basically simple life. I'm not rich, highly educated, I only have a
3-year Bible seminary degree in theology, so I can't even qualify
as a Bible scholar, theologian, a Scriptural expert, or certainly I am
no Bible answer man. If labeled anything, I'm just a layman who
thinks Jesus is the only thing worth talking about overall. So, now
let me return to the topic of unconnected memories which are
linked to show you how Jesus can heal things we cannot even
comprehend.
The second memory is older, that is, I was a young man in
my earliest of twenties. It isn't important to describe the second
memory in detail but it is related to confusion, rejection, and even
anger and resentment. It occurred, as is so often the case, just by
an experience was forced old wounds to the surface which I didn't
even know at the time I had. Now, in my late fifties, and after
literally decades of perpetual recollections of the second memory,
a connection between the two, totally unrelated memories was
made by the Holy Spirit. It isn't as complicated as you might
think. In fact, it is so simple; you'll wonder why I didn't
psychologically make the connection of the two memories myself.
I didn't, because I couldn't, and only the Holy Spirit could by
making the connection between two wounded areas of my life.
Besides, it was spiritual in nature, and not psychological, in the
first place. The first memory I described, had no pain or
woundedness associated with it at all. In fact, it is a good and
pleasant and comforting memory, and whenever it surfaces, even
to this day, I have a pleasant, fuzzy, warm and secure feeling
associated with the enfant memory. So how could two totally
different memories, one good and one spiritually injurious, be
linked, or associated, when it comes to being healed? Good
question and here is the answer.
During the literally years the second, unpleasant, and
painful, memory surfaced in my thoughts and emotions, I
continually, and this is an automatic thing, that is, I don't have to
practice it, it just happens because of what I know prayer to be,
focused on the memory event and spiritually examined all the
emotional painful elements of the memory as I tried hearing God's
voice related to the pain. As already mentioned, I felt some
emotional pain, rejection, resentment, anger, loneliness, that's one
I hadn't mentioned yet, and just plain frustration. I attributed the
whole thing to my youthfulness, I think I was just 19 at the time, in
fact, I know I was just 19 at the time now that I think about it, and
figured it meant nothing. Nothing, that is, until I was in my fifties.
Then it really started appearing frequently in my thoughts and
emotions and the more it did, the more spiritually frustrated I
became. Why? Because, the truth of the memory was not
forthcoming. I often gave up trying to figure it out and just turned
it over to the Lord to some day show me. Fortunately, he finally
did.
As I have said for many years, painful memories, and
wounded experiences from confusion and personal uncertainty are
used by the Enemy to keep us spiritually unbalanced in many
various ways. Additionally, some areas of woundedness will not,
and cannot, be healed until other areas are first spiritually repaired
by the Holy Spirit. This is not to make you a better person, that is,
the more inner healing we experience is designed to make us a
better person or even a better Christian; it is designed to make us
more identified with Christ. This is, quite simply, Lordship
salvation. People will, and do, confuse it with being a better, more
spiritual, and Godly, Christian. It is no such thing and the one who
thinks so, is trapped by pride, legalism, and perpetual works
salvation in order to maintain a stable, so thought, Christian
relationship with God through Christ. Nothing could be further
from the truth of God's Word. Plus, such Christian, so called,
behavior never works in the long run, regardless how hard we try.
In recent weeks, as I consider the second memory that
continually was surfacing in my mind and emotions, I simply
could not see the problem. Oh, sure. Lots of things were wrong in
the memory but it had nothing to do with the present.
When I was praying recently, the enfant memory of
the baby being in the basement alone, immediately popped to the
surface of my mind. This confused me even more because, no
matter how I viewed the memories which I associated in later adult
life, I simply could not find a comparison to this first memory
except it related directly to the enfant in the basement. In one, I
felt safe and secure and content. In the other, I was frustrated,
rejected, and totally confused about my Christian identity. So
where was the comparison? Upon asking the Lord that very
question, the Holy Spirit finally showed me. The only connection
between the two memories was based upon the first memory and
the feelings I had of safety, security, and contentment. Jesus then
showed me that He was in both memories and how I felt was how
He wanted me to feel in the second. The Enemy, on the other
hand, clouded the second memory with doubt and fear and
confusion and thus the presence of the Lord wasn't detected. Now,
through prayer, the connection was made and I could feel Jesus in
both places. Thus, two totally unrelated memories were, in fact,
linked and the second could not be healed without the revelation of
the Holy Spirit imparting the truth found in the first memory.
What was that truth again? It was Jesus being in both places at the
same time. That's right; twenty years apart. He was there. By the
way, this immediately healed dozens of other similar memories
along the same lines over decades of time. Why, because the Lord
continually, although I examined many other similar memories,
always took me back to this one place when I was just 19 years of
age. Once again, I saw how certain wounded areas of our life can
only be healed when we allow Jesus to heal only in His way and in
His time.
Isn't this a difficult way to live? On the contrary; it is the
easiest Christian life one could possibly ever experience. No, of
course, it doesn't mean life becomes easier, less stressful, and
minus heart ache, worries, and concerns. It means that Jesus
becomes more and more the Lord of your life; your entire life.
One thing many people with whom I pray tell me, "I didn't realize
Jesus was clear back there in my childhood." Most confess at this
point, "How could that be? I wasn't even a Christian until I was
25 or 30 years old." Regardless of what you believe, I personally,
along with many others with whom I've prayed, have seen, and
experienced, Jesus clear back to our birth; some, as in my case,
still in the womb. Yes, I know it sounds weird but I don't care
what you believe; I know Jesus for whom He is in my life and He
was at my birth and showed me why. Read, "I Born happy," on
my website and you'll understand the particulars of that birthing
experience.
I can confirm three amazingly distinct experiences in my
life the form the beliefs I have to this very day. My salvation, of
course, when I was just five years of age, the experiences in, "I
Flew Kites With Jesus," on my website, and the one I just
mentioned; "I Born Happy," which is also on my website as
previously mentioned. You are welcome to believe, or disbelieve,
whatever you like but I know Jesus personally in a way I never
dreamed was possible. I again stress, this is automatic, that is, in
my spirit where the Holy Spirit dwells, and I never have to work at
being a better, more successful, Godly Christian. Jesus has done
all of that for me already. All I am required to do is walk with
Him in holiness. Wait just a minute. Don't I still sin? Of course,
but First John 1:9 still works just as quickly and easily and
smoothly today s it did when John wrote it, or did you overlook
that eternal promise in God's Word. The general problem is,
however, we haven't been healed enough to believe the truth and
Jesus said it was the truth that would set us free. He wasn't just
talking about salvation because He confirmed to His disciples that
He was sending the Holy Spirit to assist us in our every day life.
Now, when are you going to allow Jesus to heal you? Are
you striving to become perfect? Is you goal to be Spirit filled,
maybe speak with other tongues, achieve a spiritual status in the
church as a Godly man or woman, and maybe even witness, or
perform, a miracle or two before you die or before the Lord
returns? Good luck. In the mean time, I'm living my Christian life
as each day unfolds and letting Jesus be the Lord of all my life. It
is a lot less work that way. If you prefer performance based
Christianity, then God bless you. I'm just not that good of a
Christian mimic.
www.safeplacefellowship.com/articles/THE-CLOUD.HTM
You Are Afraid Of Demons Because Of The Lies You Believe;
They Are Afraid Of You Because Of The Truth You Believe.
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com
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