Mari and all,

You asked about my emotional struggles.  I'll try to be basic.  It has to do 
with obsessive-compulsive thoughts/urges/yielding to many of those urges, 
that caused emotional trauma that I've experienced that caused me to feel 
that I want nothing to do with God, that for me to be a Christian is 
nonexistent, somewhat like trying to wear a shoe that doesn't fit, or like 
He's a foreign tissue to be rejected by my body, and that the only way I can 
win this battle is to endure the pain of not yielding to certain urges.  I 
cope with this anxiety and depression by yielding to those urges, and I'm 
not willing to go through that, even for a moment.  I've also developed a 
way of thinking that says, "I cannot truly enjoy the good things that come 
my way, because I might not have it if I've done all the right things."  Put 
these two concepts together, and add the frightening experiences I've had 
with Christians who probably just don't understand what my real problem is, 
and what the real solution is, saying things like, "You need to hand it over 
to God, or you will perish.  You need to decide, like a drug addict, whether 
you will serve The Lord, or go for the quick fix that will ultimately kill 
you."  Of course Jesus is the solution, and we must ultimately choose 
whether or not to serve Him, but we may not always experience His Healing 
Touch, or approach Him in exactly the same way as what others dictate.

Put all these things together, and you might get the idea.  I have to go to 
dinner now.

Chat Later!

Sharon