These are great!


  *Subject:* FW: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT

 DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under
the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail
you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you.
But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I
REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just
as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman

go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled,

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"


MEN JUST DON'T LISTEN!!



 *A Parrott Named Moses*

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a
strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching
you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself
a
vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began
searching
for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a
bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source
of
the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to
rest
on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed.. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Kendall

An unreasonable man (but my wife says that's redundant!)

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress
depends on the unreasonable man.

-George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950

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