Hi Lelia,
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I do, however, have
something to say, that may not sit well, but it is meant in love, so
please take it in that context from the outset.
I know that you are upset with Tod's parents. That is
understandable. It's worse to be treated this way in your own home,
where you really can't get away. However, in my opinion, which has
gotten me in trouble before on this list, your problem is more with
Tod than them. When they offered to buy him the computer, in my
opinion, if he had self respect, he should have said, "no thank
you." Parents buy computers for little boys, not for full grown
independent men. Also, Tod should have known that you could be very
knowledgeable about speech and so forth so that when the parents
suggested going on line to do research, Tod could have spoken up and
said, "that's okay, Lelia can help me," or even better, he could have
turned to you and said, "Hey Lelia, what do you think we should
do?" He could have demonstrated his independence and raise you at
the same time in his parents' eyes. I don't think that your problem
is going to lesson until Tod can stand in the gap for you against them.
I'd better not go any further. I may have said too much
already. It's the Dr. Laura in me, I guess. GRIN!
Just in case you're wondering, this can happen with sighted people
too. When I married Greg, my family didn't think much of him because
he wasn't a hunter or blue collar worker. They couldn't see how in
the world Greg could ever provide for me with his nose stuck in a
book all the time. I had to stand in the gap for Greg often, against
my family. They didn't like it, but too bad.
My grandfather on my mother's side was a pastor before he died. He
passed away in 1948 and I wasn't born until 1960, so he never knew of
me and certainly didn't know Greg. When Greg finally headed for
seminary in 1992, my father finally said to him that they believed
that Greg was the answer to my grandfather's prayers. See, when my
grandfather was dying, his main concern was, who will carry on in
ministry for this family?
Finally, this past fall, when my sister came out to visit us and
heard Greg preach, she admitted during the prayer time that she was
very proud of Greg and what he is doing and then she broke down in
tears. We've been married for 25 years, so you know that that
complement was a long time in coming. It says something that the
family wanted Greg to participate in my Dad's funeral.
All this is just meant to say, Lelia, it may not be you at all. It
may be Tod's family dynamic, it may be Tod, not quite ready to cut
the apron strings completely, or it may be his parents holding on
more tightly than is healthy. Probably, it's a little of all
three. You just keep being sweet and as independent as
possible. Don't act like a victim. That will make you a
target. And just remember, it's what, 72 hours and
counting? GRIN! This too shall pass. Why don't you plan a great
romantic dinner with tod to celebrate when they have left
again. That should help the time fly a little, maybe?
I realize that I could be way off base here, so, if so,
sorry. However, one more thing that could work for next time is if
you and Tod establish ground rules, ahead of time, before their next
visit about what kinds of things are acceptable and what isn't, and
if they can't respect both of your boundries, suggest postponing the
visit until they can. Just a last thought.
God bless,
Kathy
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