Hi Heidi,
I think having your tested by unbaised set of folks is a great idea. If you don't wnat the social worker there - then simply say so - Over caring and hovering does not delay intellectual milestones - it can effect things like speech but generally kids are hard to keep down. Unless you have had him sitting in a swing 24/7 - staring at blank wall. My daughter has CP and one of the thngs my ex-husband said was I was making too much of fuss out of it - she would be fine without all the extra medical stuff. I think its called denial. Lets face it in some country's everyone sleeps to gether and the breast feed the kids for years - and they turn out okay. Simply becasue something is not in our social mores doesn't make it bad - and to some people different equates to bad. And you can always have a second opinion assessment somewhere else. However having said all that there are parents that do cripple their children by not letting them do things becasue they might get hurt or they may be to hard to do. My parents are like that - if you don't do it fast enough or the right way she takes it away and does it - she did everything for Amber becasue - poor child is crippled.... ARGH! I never really did anything for Amber - becasue I figured one day I won't be there to do the stuff for her and then where will she be. It never hurts to look at yourelf and analyze how you are doing something and how it can affect your child. Kids pick up and want to be good for us - after Ambers father said I was making to much out of stuff - I carefully observed and rethought the issue and asked for others opinions - like friends and her therapists to make sure I wasn't making a mountain out of a molehill.
Trisha
-----Original Message-----
From: Cerebral Palsy List [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf
Of heidi tibollo
Sent: Monday, July 23, 2007 12:59 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: C-PALSY Digest - 20 Jul 2007 to 22 Jul 2007 (#2007-136)
Hi all,
We have an early intervention assessment this week with a PT and OT to see if we qualify for help for our son with gross motor and possibly Speech and gagging issues. My concern is that the social worker will be there also. She alluded last week that my sons delays may be due to my "overcaring nature" and mothers sometimes are too concerned and hovering. Made my blood boil but I said nothing. Now I am concerned she may influence the PT and OT. Do I say something at the onset of the evaluation? Say something only if they say he doesn't meet the criteria? The social worker thought I should be introducing more foods and found out I am an attachment parent (co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding). My older son was very allergic to all dairy and eggs so I haven't introduced them into my younger son's diet yet and, hello,- he gaggs and doesn't seem to have any interest in chewing. My husband feels that I am responsible for our sons delays "too nurturing yet not engaging enough"-
his (and his mother's) explaination as to why my son has been globally delayed with motor and intellectual milestones. What do I say to this- do I want to be right, that my son does have some issues and prove my husband wrong. I would be thrilled if I was the reason for all the delays yet somehow I am hurt that he blames me. (to be fair he says he's not blaming me just pointing out what he thinks) Very frustrating.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Heidi
----- Original Message ----
From: C-PALSY automatic digest system <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Monday, July 23, 2007 12:00:49 AM
Subject: C-PALSY Digest - 20 Jul 2007 to 22 Jul 2007 (#2007-136)
There is 1 message totalling 110 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
1. GO-D FOOD FOR THOUGHT PLEASE READ Are we to blame for our son's brain
dysfunction? - Latest Questions
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Date: Sun, 22 Jul 2007 12:16:49 -0400
From: Meir Weiss <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: GO-D FOOD FOR THOUGHT PLEASE READ Are we to blame for our son's brain dysfunction? - Latest Questions
http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=3D541123
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Are we to blame for our son's brain dysfunction?
Question:
My son was diagnosed with a form of brain dysfunction. Please let me =
know if his parents or grandparents did something to deserve this =
punishment. Should we blame ourselves for his illness? Also, how can we =
help him?
Answer:
I am sorry about your son's diagnosis. It can be a difficult time for =
parents to reach an acceptance of why things happened this way. Often, =
they will incorrectly blame themselves or fault themselves for a child's =
sickness.=20
We do not know why G=E2=80=91d runs His world as He does. We do not =
understand why there is suffering, sickness, poverty, hunger or the many =
seemingly unfair challenges and tribulations in our world.=20
We are told that sometimes very great souls need to descend to this =
world. These souls are so lofty that the physical realm cannot contain =
them, so they come into a body that "shatters" from its impact. Your =
son's brain might be somewhat dysfunctional because of the great holy =
soul that is enclothed within it. Many parents of special needs children =
vouch for this, explaining how despite the child's many needs, these =
children have a certain purity to them, or a certain power to them, in =
helping others to accept them because of who they are, not what they can =
give to this world, or to their families. Such children teach us the =
power of real love--a love that is not based on any preconditions.
As far as your question if you did anything to "deserve" this: Special =
children are most often given to very special families, who can see =
beyond their external dysfunction to the beauty of their soul. No, I do =
not think you should blame yourself for your son's sickness.=20
As far as what you can do to help him--as with any area of our physical =
world, its source is in the spiritual worlds. You can obviously help =
this child by doing mitzvot in his merit. You can choose any mitzvah =
that you like--extra charity, extra prayers, helping someone in need, =
mezuzah, kashrut, etc.--and keep it in his merit. You will thus be =
strengthening him spiritually and hopefully physically too.=20
While G=E2=80=91d listens to all prayers, the supplications of a =
tzaddik, a righteous individual, are especially potent. I would advise =
you to write a note to be placed on the Rebbe's gravesite, asking him to =
pray on your child's behalf. Click here =
<http://www.chabad.org/article.asp?AID=3D36248> to find instructions on =
how to do so.
Wishing you success and blessings,
Chana Weisberg for Chabad.org
=09
=09
<http://www.chabad.org/images/new/feedbackTL.gif> =
<http://www.chabad.org/images/new/feedbackTR.gif> =09
Chana Weisberg is a noted educator and columnist and lectures worldwide =
on issues relating to women, faith, relationships and the Jewish soul.
All names of persons and locations or other identifying features =
referenced in these questions have been omitted or changed to preserve =
the anonymity of the questioners.
=09
The content on this page is copyrighted by the author, publisher and/or =
Chabad.org, and is produced by Chabad.org. If you enjoyed this article, =
we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you comply with =
the copyright policy <javascript:void(0);> .
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Chabad.org <http://www.chabad.org/default.asp> =C2=B7 A Division of the =
Chabad-Lubavitch Media Center =
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In everlasting memory of Chabad.org's founder, Rabbi Yosef Y. Kazen =
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