I like that. Get right to the crux of a matter. I am similar, patient as 
the day is long on June 21 most all of the time, but when they've been 
exhausted fur flies and it can be quite a display of childish behavior :), 
and yes, there is an underlying cause to be sought out at that point. I am 
grateful it happens very rarely anymore and maybe when I'm 80 years old I 
can say I can't remember that last display anymore :). Regrets grow out of 
a broken heart, like weeds from a cracked sidewalk.

Brad



At 03:01 PM 6/29/2007, you wrote:
>Killing The Spider And Eliminating Anger Management
>
>
>By Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>
>
>
>      A few years ago, I recall hearing about the small toys sold
>for personal anger management.  They were soft toys that one
>could pick up from their desk, or which they could pull from a
>drawer, when they felt anger or frustration, stress or pressure,
>and throw them against a nearby wall.  The soft toy would then
>say something such as, "Oh, that felt good," or, "What a relief."
>They sometimes just made a noise like breaking glass or a
>groaning sound.  This was advertised to assist office workers to
>passively diminish, or otherwise, manage their feelings of anger.
>Did it work?  Sure, to a point but the anger never went away.
>
>      My favorite all time Christian joke is about the little boy
>who had the right theological idea.  The story goes this way.
>
>      Every Sunday night, the pastor of the small church would
>call on elderly Brother Jones to close in prayer.  The man prayed
>eloquently, with flowing glowing words of majesty, and then, just
>before saying, "Amen," he would say, "And Lord, just clean all
>those spider webs out of our lives."  Sunday night after Sunday
>night, these exact words by the same Godly man were spoken in his
>closing prayer.
>
>      finally, one night Johnny, now 10 years of age, and who had
>heard this same prayer for literally years, couldn't stand it any
>longer and following the closing prayer by Brother Jones, went to
>speak with the elderly man.  "Brother Jones," he said honestly
>and sincerely, "instead of cleaning out all those spider webs
>from our lives each week, why don't we just find that spider and
>kill him."
>
>      I tell this story so many times, the people in my church
>grown every time they hear it now.  The story has such great
>spiritual application, though, I use it every chance I get
>because it proves a very good point.  It also fits this topic of
>our problems with anger.
>
>      Anger is a natural, or should I say, unnatural, coping
>mechanism.  Throwing a soft toy against the wall that squeaks or
>says something funny upon impact, slamming a door hard, smacking
>your fist into your palm, throwing something, swearing, honking
>the car horn and screaming in your car at someone getting in your
>way, giving someone the finger, kicking a chair across the room,
>are just a few of the more mild forms of released anger.
>Slapping your child or your wife, driving recklessly, committing
>road rage, getting stone drunk, throwing a chair through a
>window, kicking the family dog into unconsciousness, punching the
>guy out at the ball game because he is in your way, punching a
>hole in the sheet rock, for which you'll have to repair later,
>unless, of course, your fist hit a stud and you broke your hand,
>waving your unloaded handgun around and acting like you are going
>to shoot your wife, are a few of the more violent forms of anger
>release.  All, however, are indications of something much deeper
>and that is exactly where you are going to have to go, that is,
>deeper, if you want to be totally free from anger.  That's right.
>I said you can be totally free from anger.
>
>      Now, lest the reader think I am perfect, I have kicked a
>door down, pounded my hands on the table top so hard, the bruises
>hurt for a couple of weeks, thrown a small hand held tape
>recorder across the room, threw a glass of water at the wall,
>kicked a few things until they were broken, slammed doors so hard
>glass broke, and a few other things I don't even specifically
>recall now.  I never thought I had a temper or a problem with
>anger either.  In fact, whenever I did such things, the anger
>felt good.  I was remorseful afterwards, of course, but I
>figured, since I was a Godly Christian, that was a good thing
>because it meant I must not really have meant it in the first
>place.  Plus, I used to always say, "It takes me a long time to
>get mad but when I do, I really get mad.  Once it is over, it's
>over and it is ok."  Yeah, sure it was.  Besides, I always
>confessed my anger as sin to the Lord so that made everything ok.
>Right?  I was being Biblical, wasn't I?  So, if you said you were
>sorry later, it was ok to release a little anger once and awhile.
>Right?  Sure, of course.  Let me ask you a question.  How much is
>too much, or not enough, anger?  Of course, you realize I am not
>asking you that question but Jesus is.
>
>      Today we have specialists, highly educated professionals,
>getting thousands of dollars an hour to come to corporations to
>conduct management anger classes.  It almost always focuses on
>how to defuse, or otherwise short circuit, the anger when it
>begins to surface.  Quite simply, lets side track the anger
>before it is released.  Sounds great.  Does it work?  It helps,
>most likely, but why not kill the spider so we don't have all
>those sticky disgusting spider webs around in the first place.
>At your next anger management class, ask your instructor or
>therapist about killing the spider and see what they say.  If
>they don't understand, tell them the joke I just told you and ask
>them for comments.  You won't like what they say.  The bottom
>line is, they don't believe it is that easy and they don't
>believe you can be anger free.
>
>      A few years ago, during a very desperate time of my life,
>thinking I was going crazy due to anxiety and panic attacks that
>were off the scale, I had a single session with a psychologist.
>She told me, whenever I felt the anxiety attack coming, to
>picture a huge stop sign in my mind and focus on it.  Did it
>work?  What do you think?  Do these government and private
>industry anger management classes help?  That is, do their
>management coping techniques work?  Sure they help.  The real
>question is, does it kill the spider?  Maybe the question should
>be, which do you prefer; coping or eliminating your anger?
>
>      Back in the late seventies, I was an assistant pastor in a
>small town in western Colorado.  Just before moving to this small
>town, someone gave my wife a box of canning jars all packed very
>nicely.  In the small church we were working in, a lady called me
>one day and asked if I would find that box of canning jars for
>her.  She said she would come over, they didn't live far away,
>and pick them up and do some canning for my wife and I.  I went
>out into our attached garage, dug around until I found the large
>box and as I began pulling it free in order to carry it into the
>house, my hands came in contact with some spider webbing.  It
>felt totally different than any spider web I had ever felt.  It
>was tough, strong, and when I tried pulling it off the box and
>away from my fingers, it felt almost as if it were made of
>elastic.  I thought nothing more about it.  The box had hand
>holes cut into the side of either end so sticking my hand into
>one end, I pulled the box free and carried it into the house.  I
>sat the box on our counter top and a few minutes later, the lady
>stopped by and picked up the box.  About a half an hour later,
>our phone rang and I answered it.  Jo Ann said, "Phil, I am
>unpacking the canning jars.  Did you know there was a black widow
>spider inside?"  I told her about the spider webbing I had pulled
>away from the box and she informed me to stop screwing around
>with stuff in the garage because those types of webs were
>characteristic of black widows.  I was indeed careful from then
>on.  Let me ask you this question.  Do you think just knowing
>there was a spider got rid of it?  Of course not and just knowing
>you have anger, and ripping away the cobwebs won't make the
>spider go away either.
>
>      Anger isn't the problem.  Anger means something hurts some
>place deep down inside.  The display of outward anger allows for
>some emotional relief but anger, carefully guarded, suppressed
>and repressed, and held in, can, and does, create physical
>problems.  In other words, the anger dumps into the body
>somewhere and there are physical responses to that anger.
>
>      A few years ago, I was attending a small church.  The pastor
>invited me to sort of work as his assistant pastor.  I did so.
>As I got to know him, I really grew to love him.  His preaching
>and teaching was as good as any I had ever heard and he seemed to
>like people.  He was humorous and enjoyed having a good time even
>in church.  He could sing well, was excellent at leading worship,
>and I felt he should have been pastoring a church of 500 people
>instead of 20 or so we had in this particular church.  He had one
>problem, though, and that was anger and he didn't know it.
>
>      As I got to know him and learned about his early life as a
>child, I learned why he was angry.  He used his anger to push
>people away.  Yes, it worked every time.  His anger was right
>down alarming at times.  He had taken a church of about 100
>people and in 12 years, he was down to about 6 members.  The
>church bills were not being paid, the pastor wasn't getting
>enough to live on, and he began blaming his own church.  He also
>experience horrible back pain at times which would, on occasion,
>take him out of ministry for several weeks at a time.  Was this
>due to anger?  I know it was for a fact based upon things he
>would tell me personally.
>
>      Eventually, since he was using me as a sounding board for
>his anger and he was literally naming individuals in the church
>to me privately, I felt, as his brother in the Lord, the need for
>accountability.  During one of his angry displays one day, I
>pointed out to him what he was doing to him and his own people.
>This man prided himself on knowing the Word.  In order to allow a
>place for anger to exist in his life as a pastor, he insisted
>upon arguing from a strictly Biblical standpoint.  Let me
>illustrate what I mean.
>
>      during one of his down times due to his back being out, I
>was taking his place.  He had called and told me to tell the
>handful of people we still had at that time, that we needed about
>250 dollars for church expenses.  His wife played the piano and
>she was there that day.  I felt led for all of us to gather
>around her and to lay hands on her to pray for her, the pastor,
>and their physical and financial needs.  I think she had a cold
>herself that day.  I then said, after we prayed, that I had 160
>dollars left from my income tax return that I would put toward
>the church financial need.  Others began saying what they would
>put in.  My youngest son and his wife, for example, spoke up and
>he said he would cover the balance.  Others spoke up and said
>they would put in certain dollar amounts and we ended up with
>over 300 dollars.
>
>      Later, the pastor was complaining to me over the phone that
>people were not giving enough and that was our problem.  Our
>problem wasn't that at all.  You cannot have six members in your
>church, three of which are in their seventies and living on
>social security, and have big Sunday offerings.  The problem was
>we were not reaching anyone with the Gospel.  The church, in
>other words, was spiritually dead.  Yes, can you believe that?  A
>spiritually dead Charismatic church?  By the way, the number of
>people you have does not determine if your church is alive or
>dead.  We have had Holy Ghost worship and praise and shouting
>times in the living room of my home many times.  You don't even
>need, for that matter, a church building.  Why?  Because, if you
>are born again, you are a part of the Body of Christ and where 2
>or 3 are gathered together, Christ is in their midst.
>
>      During this angry outburst my pastor was experiencing, he
>said, "Nobody even came and offered to pray for me and anoint me
>with oil."  The tone to his voice was harsh, bitter, and hostile.
>He said this right after he complained that we, the church, were
>not giving enough to the church financially.  I pointed out to
>him his attitude was wrong.  I told him that I personally thought
>of asking my son to drive with me out to his home, which was 30
>minutes from the church, to anoint him with oil and to lay hands
>on him but I didn't for two reasons.  First, he, the pastor,
>never asked.  Secondly, I didn't think, even if I went, he would
>allow me to pray for him based upon his attitude.  Yes, I told
>him both things.  He wanted me to prove what I said from the
>Bible so read the following instructions given to us by James.
>
>"14  Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the
>church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the
>name of the Lord:  15  And the prayer of faith shall save the
>sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committee
>sins, they shall be forgiven him.  16  Confess your faults one to
>another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The
>effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much,"
>(James 5:14-16).
>
>      Do you see it?  If you are sick, you are to call for the
>elders of the church.  Our pastor was too proud to call for the
>elders of his church to anoint him with oil.  I pointed out to
>him that it was his responsibility to call for us to come and
>pray for him and not the other way around.  He backed down and
>admitted that was Biblically right but his pride kept his anger
>in place.
>
>      That is another aspect of anger which is rarely seen, that
>is, pride.  You will always find pride under anger.  How do I
>know?  I have experienced it myself following an almost fit of
>rage I had one evening arguing with my youngest son.  I said
>things, and thought things, that were so unchristian, when my son
>left, I sat in my office and cried like a baby and tried to
>figure out why I had exploded in cataclysmic rage.  As I prayed,
>sobbing, begging God to show me what was wrong, He told me it was
>caused by pride.  I was so emotionally upset, I was unable to
>pray about this one by myself.  Two days later, as I sat in a
>man's office and we shared a prayer session together, the Lord
>healed me in many places I never knew existed.  If you want to
>read about this experience of healing, read my personal testimony
>called, "I Flew Kites With Jesus."
>
>      I have learned from both personal experience, and through
>praying with others, anger is used to cover the truth.  What
>truth?  The truth about how we really feel about ourselves, the
>fear that frightens us so much, we has suppressed it almost out
>of our consciousness, The doubts we have about how others see us,
>the guilt that we maybe just aren't good enough and God isn't
>happy, and the fear the somebody, maybe even in the church, is
>going to find out what we are really like and if they do, they
>won't like us.  The fear generated by rejection alone is Titanic
>and we will do anything to keep that from happening.
>
>      Fortunately, there is a way of living free from anger and
>from the fear of anger.  No, there is not a single answer because
>everybody is different.  Yes, there are common elements to anger
>and frankly, most people, when prayed with, discover they have
>anger that they never knew was there.  Like me, for example.
>
>      How about you, now?  Isn't it time you let Jesus show you
>the truth about who He is and who you are so you can be anger
>free?  Let Jesus show you how to kill the spider creating all
>those webs in your life that are trying to hinder your intimate
>relationship with Him.
>
>
>It Sounds Like God To Me.
>www.SafePlaceFellowship.com