How hilarious!
PLASTIC BAG SCARES JAMMEH TO BUNKER
By Ebrima G. Sankareh, Editor in-Chief
The Gambia Echo
It was one of those fine days when the Gambian sky was blue, the cumulus
clouds form a bedazzling canopy across the horizon and Gambian President Yahya
Jammeh was having tea with his guards and friends at State House. As is
customary in such occasions, President Jammeh was giving his audience first hand
fibs on how his ancestry was able to conquer the heavens and how those magical
powers were miraculously bequeathed to him as a young boy. His narration says
our Yundum Barracks correspondent OX, was couched with fascinating details
that lack the semantic precision one would expect from a Chief Executive.
By a twist of irony says OX, soldiers at the Denton Bridge were conducting
their routine traffic stops when a man minted through the window of a
passenger van that they stopped and ran into the thick mangroves swamps. No sooner
had the unidentified passenger melted into the mangroves than he fired gunshots
in the tranquil air that blew as President Jammeh was chilling with party at
State House. The entire team of soldiers and security personnel at Denton
bridge were confused at the unprovoked firing of shots by an unknown gunman. As
soldiers combed the grass and shrubbery to make sense of the incident, the
Patrol Sergeant, one Sgt. Camara sighted a white plastic bag ferociously
flying towards the station. He screamed at his men “we’re under enemy attack!!”
and called for more firepower to resist the supposedly mysterious enemy flying
mid-air. Despite a hail of bullets, the unknown object continues to fly
towards the station. The panic stricken Sgt. Camara quickly alerted the signal
officer Sgt. Karamo Manneh to call for reinforcement from State House where
President Jammeh was narrating his cock and bull stories of ancestral heroism
and valour.
Pandemonium at State House
Once the Signal Officer, Sgt. Karamo Manneh radioed State House, pandemonium
ensued. One soldier was so nervous that he kicked the teapot like a soccer
ball; it flew and landed on President Jammeh’s left ankle. He screamed and the
guards apologized in unison as he was hurried to the bunker. Says Ox; the
nightmare at State House defies the bravery that these State guards are reputed
for. It was unimaginable how these much feared men reacted and how President
Jammeh ran into the bunker argues OX. The Sergeant on duty, Sgt. Paul Bojang
was so terrified that he could not assemble his men amid the crisis. A scene
of negligence discharge of firearms raged. Corporal Samba Bah (a.k.a Batcho)
brought a grenade launcher into the guardroom during the briefing session
and before he could be stopped, he had inadvertently detonated the deadly
weapon. A loud noise erupted and the launcher ruptured the roof from where one
could visibly see the sky. Soldiers ran helter-skelter as they take cover. Some
of the soldiers mistook the grenade launcher explosion as the enemy’s arrival
at State House. In the confusion, Private Lamin Sawo pulled in an LMG before
he too could be stopped; the machine gun was on rat-a-tat tat, rat-a-tat
tat, and rat-a- tat tat. You could hear everyone screaming for help but no one
could make sense of the situation. It was difficult to differentiate the noise
from machine guns and that of the numerous farts even from the bunker says
OX with a sense of humor. As the situation went out of control says OX,
suggestions were underfoot with respect to hiring the seafarers to flee through the
sea. As that option was nervously being studied, Sgt. Manneh radioed State
House again that they could stand down that after all the hitherto unidentified
object was a waste plastic bag. That they brought it down after numerous
unsuccessful attempts. He apologized that the incident was regrettable. Everyone
had a sigh of relief and an atmosphere of general laughter ensued. The brave
man of ancestral valour was asked to come out of the lion’s den. The
following morning, reveals OX, he moved to Kanilai.
Editor’s Note: As usual OX invites President Jammeh and all those named in
this story to dispute its veracity. I will never give you a false story Mr.
Sankareh said OX. Next week, I will give you a good story from Masuang in
Guinea Bissau promises OX.
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