Dear Carol,

Loving, that was cute and funny! lol. I love it!

Thanks for sharing.

Lovingly,
Pat Ferguson




At 12:11 PM 1/24/2008, you wrote:
>Hi,
>
>I hadn't seen this round of funnies, so maybe you haven't either!  <Smiles>
>
>In case you're a little foggy on your biblical history, let our 
>junior church students help you with this complete overview of the 
>Bible, compiled from their essays:
>
>"In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing 
>but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God 
>is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God 
>said, "Give me a light!" and someone did. Then God made the world."
>
>"He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they 
>weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam
>
>and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from
>
>the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because
>
>they didn't have cars."
>
>"Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
>
>"Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for 
>Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something."
>
>"One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but 
>one of his kids was kind of a ham.  Noah built a large boat and put 
>his family and some animals on it.  He asked some other people to 
>join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check."
>
>"After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Jacob was more famous
>
>than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange
>
>for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud
>
>sports coat."
>
>"Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton 
>Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the 
>evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people.  These 
>plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed 
>the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He gave them His 
>top ten Commandments.
>
>These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom
>
>(the Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my
>
>Dad uses it sometimes when he talks about the President).  Oh, yeah, I just
>
>thought of one more: Humor they father and they mother."
>
>"One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy 
>to use spies.  Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence 
>fell over on the town."
>
>"After Joshua came David.  He got to be king by killing a giant with 
>a slingshot.  He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 
>500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound 
>very wise to me.  After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
>
>One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed
>
>up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I 
>guess we don't have to worry about them."
>
>"After the Old Testament came the New Testament.  Jesus is the star 
>of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.  (I wish I 
>had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 
>"Close the door! Were you born in a barn?"   It would be nice to 
>say, "As a matter of fact, I was."
>
>"During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the 
>Pharisees and the Republicans.  Jesus also had twelve opossums. The 
>worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they named a 
>terrible vegetable after him.
>
>"Jesus was a great man.  He healed many leopards and even preached 
>to some Germans on the Mount.  But the Republicans and all those guys put
>
>Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.  Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He
>
>just washed his hands instead."
>
>"Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.  He 
>went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.  His 
>return is foretold in the book of Revolution."
>
>
>--
>Carol