Kathy,
I have to admit, I was a little concerned given the temper Chris displayed
a while back. It sure is hard not to give 'em another chance. Some time
ago, my son, who looking back, may well have been on something, sat at our
counter and we were drilling him quite hard on that fact and he swearing
he wasn't. My wife offered, in so many words, a drug test in which he said
"Sure I don't care it's your money but I know how it will come out and I'm
not on anything". On and on we went and to a point he was in tears, my
wife was upset at both him and me. I was standing by watching the show go
on and felt a strong sense to just trust him, whether or not he is telling
the truth right now, I needed to give him the trust. If we never ever give
the trust to be trampled, it can never be re-earned. And so I stood my
ground and said, enough is enough, no more fighting, we need to trust what
he is saying is the truth, and made it known to him that whether or not he
was or wasn't on anything at this point wasn't the case, and what we
thought about it was not the case right now, right now we are talking
trust and honor among blood relatives and if he wants to abuse that, that
is his choice. I have always stressed that honor and trust is the most
valuable among family and friends too but particularly family, and if you
don't have that, there isn't much to share but pleasantries and a facade
of a relationship. Was he on something? Could well have been cause he had
a drunk driving arrest after that time and admitted to toking the wacky
ta-backie quite often. Thing is you can't smell it on him. I know he was
smoking too around that time and I'll be danged if we could ever smell it
on him. takes after his gramma I guess, she smokes cigarettes and you
can't smell it on her anywhere. Anyway, the point being it is difficult to
give out the chances to trample the trust without feeling stupid or
unwise, and yet just like love, you can't enjoy it if it isn't out there
to be trampled if one chooses to do that to you. Enough trampling and one
pulls the head in the shell for a little reprieve, but sooner or later,
the trust issue will come out and once again is laid on the chopping
block. Each time it is chopped at, we feel a bit foolish, stupid, like
we've been had again, and yet we can't not offer it again eventually. It
is easier with so called friends, we can choose to lose them, but family
is much harder to ever do that. However, in all the trusting, that does
not equate to being unwise by offering a blank check handed out without
consideration. Because just as it is right to offer it, it is also right
to be good stewards of those who may hold it. If one knows it will be
abused today, just as it was yesterday, then wisdom takes play until some
tangible results are shown to prove the earning of it again. Anyway, I
hope those tears Chris shed were not a crock, or crocodile tears as you
said, but genuine appreciation for his parents and that he continues to
move on with a place of his own and does not put you and Greg in a
position of having to boot him out again.
Brad
Brad
on 07:12 AM 12/23/2006, Kathy Du Bois said:
Thanks Vinny,
He did come home Thursday evening. Yesterday, he spent about six hours
looking for another place to flop, but ended up here again last night. I
suppose that he's not real crazy about some of the rules, the extreme
restrictions that we've placed on the computer, we won't let him drive the
car, for now anyway, until he can insure himself, he has to smoke outside
and we've told him that he can't have any of his current friends over, but
he is accepting this, so far, with understanding. We've told him that he
can stay here while he looks for a full time job and then think about
providing his own roof over his head. He is talking as though he is truly
appreciative, but it is definitely not a permanent solution. I"m sure
that he is anxious to be out on his own again, and we are anxious that he
not get too comfortable. Also, if he goes out partying, we are planning
on telling him not to bother coming home, but to sleep it off where he
is. This evening, we are going caroling with some friends and he wants to
come along. I have no clue if he will be in church tomorrow. He may come
to the evening service. It's my favorite service of the year with tons of
singing and candles. It's just cozy.
Last night, while Greg was bringing him home in the car, He said that he
wished that we would trust him and Greg told him flat out that we don't
trust him and that he has done a lot of damage to our relationship with
him. Last night, for the first time, that finally seemed to sink in. He
was in tears last night when he thanked us for taking him back
in. Whether those were crocodile tears or genuine, only God knows. We
don't trust him and we are staying very cautious and alert, but we love
him and we want to see him succeed, so we continue to proceed with God's
wisdom and pray for the best.
thanks for praying Vinny. I'm a little scared, but I am trying hard to
claim God's peace in the situation and also to remember that this is my
home and I am the authority, under Greg, of course.
Kathy
At 09:58 PM 12/22/2006, you wrote:
Oh Kathy,
I'm praying.
Vinny
----- Original Message ----- From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, December 21, 2006 12:51 PM
Subject: Chris may be moving home temporarily
Yep, you heard right. Chris may be moving home for a few weeks, or days,
depending on how it goes. He is in the process of talking to different
art institutes, looking for the right one for him. I've been honest with
him that I am nervous about this possibility and I think that he is
too. If things went his way, he would begin college January 8, but he
just doesn't realize the amount of paper work and everything else
involved. We choose to just let him find out on his own rather than say
anything that might sound like a discouraging word. At least he is
motivated to take a fresh step and that is a good thing. I don't know
when this will happen. I know that he will be staying here at least
Saturday and Sunday nights, but he might need a place already tonight, so
we'll see. Nothing like adding stress to a laid back Christmas
season. Truthfully, I don't think that he really wants to come home
either, so that should help in the moving him out department. At least I
pray so.
Kathy
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