Rhonda,

You, unfortunately, made the same mistake I have made more than once in
churches I attended.  I tried letting people know who I really was, and got
burned every single time.  One time, the pastor's wife, where I had been for
13 years, where I had preached, and where I served the Lord, lied about me.
How do you think I was going to go about convincing her husband, the pastor,
that his wife was a bold faced, bare faced, liar?  That's right.  I
couldn't.  She lied about me, regardless, and that was the third time I let
this pastor into my life intimately in a spiritual sense.  One day, while on
my knees praying about all of this, and crying my artificial eyes out, I
realized that three strikes and you are out.  I wrote that pastor off.  I
still love him to this day.  He is 86 years old and pastoring a new church
he started 25 miles south of Denver.  I learned more from him than anyone.
I'd do anything he asked me to do.  I admire him nearly above any man of God
I know but he will never be my pastor again.  this is why we call our little
church, Safe Place Fellowship.  On Friday nights, and Sunday mornings, I
encourage people to speak about exactly how they feel and I don't care what
it is.  No, you can't do this in a meeting of 3 or 4 hundred people as
easily, of course, but that is what home groups are for.  If we are that
large some day, we will still have home groups every night of the week in
various parts of the city for that very reason, to create a Safe Place for
people.  No, I am not talking about therapeutic sensitivity group meetings.
There is only one problem with this.  I keep forgetting I have to be honest
and reveal my feelings, too.  That's very difficult to do when people
consider you the shepherd.  Fortunately, I cry easily and it is hard being
proud when you cry.  I used to hate how easily I cried in front of others
and about the simplest of things, too, until God said, Jeremiah was known as
the weeping prophet.  I figured if Jeremiah could be a thumb sucker and God
used him mightily, that was good enough for me.  Besides, as Lester Rolloff
used to say, when God squeezes your heart, the juice comes out your eyes.

Phil.