Dear Loving Mari,

Please know that you are in my prayers daily, and I'm praying for 
complete comfort and peace for you.

I know to some degree what you have experienced, as I've experienced 
similar things in my child hood and even into my adult hood.

You certainly have not offended me at all. You have my love, and if 
you want to talk, please call me on my cell phone: 605-860-1138. You 
have my complete confidence and trust.

I have lost my Mom within the year, so I understand what you are going through.

Loving you,
Pat Ferguson
At 07:46 AM 4/23/2007, you wrote:
>On Saturday night, Jesus took me back to my rage, which, by the way 
>gave birth to one of my helpers when I was yet a child.  I carried 
>this rage for at least 50 years.  It was so familiar that I 
>integrated it into part, (the largest portion) of my personal identity.
>
>I had to go back and feel it again, the murderous, destructive, 
>powerful rage, mostly directed against my brother who was the 2nd of 
>my sexual perpetators from the time I was 12 until I was 16 years old.
>
>But, it was not just the molestations, but it was the fact that, 
>along with taking my body whenever he desired it, it was also the 
>fact that he drew it and sharred these drawnings with his school 
>mates.  I only knew this when I overheard a conversation between my 
>brother and his best friend as they talked and laughed about the drawings.
>
>My brother was a gifted young artist, and, his renderings of my nude 
>body and, of course, my sexual organs must have been pretty good.
>
>As I returned to the place where this rage, both against my father 
>and my brother, a wave of nausea swept over me and, I wasn't sure if 
>I would cry, or vomit.  It turned out that I was suffering from 
>abreaction, which Phil had seen many times before.
>
>In the long and the short of it, I ended up giving up the murderous 
>rage and, later only discovered that I also carried guilt because, 
>as a twelve-year-old girl, growing into a woman, not only did my 
>body enjoy the first few encounters, I had given him permission for 
>these first encounters.  Later, when the enjoyment wore off, he had 
>to use threats and intimidation to continue this sickening behavior.
>
>Now, to where I am now.  This rage formed a goodly part of my own 
>personal identity and, when I gave it to THE LORD, now, I feel as if 
>I have lost a huge chunk of myself and I feel empty and sorrowful.
>
>Jesus showed me how he viewed me, though I still believed myself to 
>be a twenty-cent whore.
>
>There is also the further complication of the aniversary of my 
>parents death which is on the twenty-fifth of this month.
>
>Please, my loving family, please pray for me.  I feel in deep grief 
>at present.  I know that THE LORD JESUS THE CHRIST is with me 
>because he promised this, but pray, pray, pray for me during this 
>deep grief.  I know that I will be a much happier person, free of 
>the weight of the guilt and the rage when all is said and done, but 
>I need your support.
>
>I am sorry if this subject has offended some, but writing at least 
>some of it is very, very important.  I need to shed light on this 
>all-too-long darkened and self-destructive part of my life and my personage.
>
>Thank you for reading this.
>
>LOVE IN CHRIST THE RADIANT AND GLORIOUS KING,
>
>Mari