Here is another testimony I wrote over 25 years ago.  It speaks for itself.
I hope it encourages someone today.

THE ROAD'S END


                               By


                          Phil Scovell



     I walked the road alone for what seemed to be miles, or was
it years, perhaps a life time?  Never did I leave the security of
the hardened surface beneath my feet.  I followed every curve,
topped every hill, and penetrated every darkened valley without
hesitation.  The bright green fields on either side of the road
were lush and aromatic; their scent motivating .  The road,
however, was lifeless empty, and uninhabited.  I, too, was alone
but I was never afraid because the road provided direction -
somewhere to go.  As long as I was on the road, I was safe.

     Suddenly, and unexpectedly, the road ended.  I found myself
standing in an open field.  I felt conspicuous and looked
curiously about.  "Where was the road?"  I moved forward; taking a
few cautious steps.  "No, not there. Maybe over here?"  I looked.
No.  Somehow I felt strangely.  The air turned chill.  "Turn
back!"  my heart shouted.  "There's safety on the road."  I obeyed
my conscience and whirled.  As I did, an arctic fear seized my
heart.  As far as the eye could see, there was nothing but a sea
of dark green grass.  No flowers, no trees, no life of any kind;
no road.  It had vanished completely.  The road, my road, was
gone.  I felt hopelessly alone.

     Depression has become a common topic of discussion for both
author and radio talk show host.  The most popular programs in
recent years are those employing psychologists who encourage
listeners to call in with their personal problems.  Depression
always tops the list.  It has even invaded the Christian community
with such force and effectiveness that many pastors have found it
necessary to obtain additional training just to handle the
numerous cases of depression faced by their own church members.
As surely as a baby is conceived in a mother's womb, depression
will be born to every person facing the issues of life as an
adult.  For the Christian, it is a spiritual cancer which
necessitates a continuous cure since depression is never
eliminated; changing shape and identity unpredictively.

     My depression became visible in the most common of ways:
Upset stomach, erratic sleeping habits, ferocious apatite, and
headaches so severe that relief occasionally only came from
vomiting.  Fear, Doubt, anger, and even hatred all revealed
themselves in physical ways.  I had been rejected.  I had seen the
affects of rejection in the lives of other people but I never
really expected it to happen to me.  After all, I was a
Christian!  I was on the road!  I knew where I was going!  When it
came, I lost what I thought was my most precious possession; I
lost my ministry and my relationship with God.  "Could God ever
use me again?"

     At the age of eleven I was pronounced totally blind.  Six
months, and a dozen operations later, I was left with no
alternative; I had to face life without sight.  "Could I do it?"

     After attending a school for the blind, Bible college,
marriage, and three years of secular employment, I went full time
into the ministry as a traveling evangelist and guest speaker.  I
overcame transportation problems successfully, I adjusted to new
surroundings, new people, and new places every week.  Everywhere I
went I experienced new accommodations in private homes and motels.
 Financial pressure became a way of life.  I even sold personal
belongings whenever necessary just to pay the rent.  I became
addicted to God and the ministry.  My joy was full and my zeal for
the Lord was so captivating that I almost forgot my blindness
until 1979.

     One day, while traveling, I was offered the possession of
assistant pastor in a small town.  Not only would this opportunity
give me the privilege of serving in a local church ministry, but I
also was given liberty to continue traveling as I desired.  In a
few short months I fell in love with the ministry of a local
church.  No more airports, no more strange beds to sleep in each
week, no new names to try and recall, and no new places to try and
learn my way around.  As the months passed, I became more and more
engaged in the ministry of the church and more and more convinced
of God's true calling upon my life.

     One day the pastor called me into his office and told me that
God was calling him to leave his church.  He and I agreed the
church would no doubt call me as their next pastor.  The joy in my
heart was almost more than I could bear.  One month earlier I had
been ordained by the church and began calling churches looking for
a pastor.  My greatest dream was coming true.  What more could a
man ask?  I was in love with small town life; a wonderful place
for the raising of my children.  I was in love with the people,
the church, and with God.  Now I was going to have the privilege
of fulfilling my heart's desire by pastoring one of God's precious
flocks.  Though I was totally blind, I had finally achieved God's
perfect will.

     In less than four months I found myself forced to sell my new
home and return to a city in which I had hoped I would never again
have to live.  I had been turned down, eliminated, rejected.  They
did not feel that someone blind was capable of being their pastor.
The results of spiritual paralysis, however, would not reveal
itself for several months.  I began to be turn down time and time
again by churches uninterested on having a blind pastor.  Finally,
my will to go on was broken.  My spirit was wounded.  The church,
the ministry, the Bible, and even God Himself became as cold as
ice.  After three years of spiritual failure, financial loss, and
rejection from church and friends, I realized my road had come to
an end.  Hope is a poor substitute for faith and I had neither.
Rejection became characterized by loneliness.  Those who had once
encouraged me in the ministry now said perhaps I was out of the
will of God and even suggested I had failed.  "It's obvious," they
said, "because God isn't using you any more."  It was even
suggested that if I had not married a wife who was also blind,
perhaps things would be different.  Although I had given up, my
body and mind had not.  They both continued to punish me
physically and emotionally for being a failure; not only as a
preacher but as a Christian.  All of the preaching and teaching I
had done now provided no comfort.  Out of desperation I did the
only thing left; I learned to pray.

     During the summer of 1982, I set my heart to learn how to
pray.  I focused my thoughts on God and His Word every waking
moment of my day.  I even fell asleep at night and woke in the
morning meditating on God's Word.  I explored His Word and
discovered many new prayer forms which allowed me to commune with
God continually.  Nothing happened at first.  Eventually,
however, I began to notice something different.  I was becoming
aware of God's presence.  Additionally, financial needs began to
be satisfied.  This, however, becomes the most dangerous area of
concern for most Christians.  When we begin to seek God out of
desperation, eventually circumstances begin to shift favorably.
Stress is reduced, pressure is released, and often we loose our
vision for spiritual truth.  In the absence of such pressure, we
often reduce our desire to pursue God.  When this occurs, we are
thus robbed of spiritual maturity so desperately needed when
facing true depression.  I, however, was not satisfied with just
having my financial needs met, I wanted God!  After two months of
saturating my life with the prayers of my heart, God entered my
prayers with His eternal presence and Holiness.

     In the many years which have followed, my awareness of God
has increased and I have perpetually reached new levels of
spiritual intimacy never dreamed possible.  I always thought such
intimacy with God was reserved for those who offer God talent and
ability.  I thought achievers were those who received the greatest
blessings from God.  Now, however, I know it is those who learn to
worship God that experience the deepest stages of spiritual
intimacy.  If I would have learned how to worship God those many
years ago as I mentally stood in the open field of defeat at my
road's end, perhaps depression would not have had such an dramatic
effect upon my life.  You see, if at my road's end, I would have
simply looked up, I would have seen God.  For the Christian, a
road to follow is not as important or necessary as the leadership
of the Holy Spirit who always directs us in the love of God.
Then, and only then, is it possible to hear the voice of God,
"This is the way, walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21).


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