Hi Kathy,
This is great news. I am praying that Chris continues doing well.
Merry Christmasto you and everyone on the list.
Virgie and Hoshi
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, December 24, 2006 2:04 PM
Subject: Re: Chris may be moving home temporarily
> Brad,
> So far, just to let you know, it has been okay. He went out with his
> friends last night, which is fine. I just reminded him that, if he
> was partying, please stay there. We woke up in the middle of the
> night and Greg went down to his room and he was home, sleeping. He
> has been trying hard to get along with us. I appreciate his
> effort. I'm still tense, and on guard. Greg is as well, but so far,
> it has been much better than I feared.
> Kathy
>
>
> At 09:38 PM 12/23/2006, you wrote:
>>Kathy,
>>
>>I have to admit, I was a little concerned given the temper Chris
>>displayed a while back. It sure is hard not to give 'em another
>>chance. Some time ago, my son, who looking back, may well have been
>>on something, sat at our counter and we were drilling him quite hard
>>on that fact and he swearing he wasn't. My wife offered, in so many
>>words, a drug test in which he said "Sure I don't care it's your
>>money but I know how it will come out and I'm not on anything". On
>>and on we went and to a point he was in tears, my wife was upset at
>>both him and me. I was standing by watching the show go on and felt
>>a strong sense to just trust him, whether or not he is telling the
>>truth right now, I needed to give him the trust. If we never ever
>>give the trust to be trampled, it can never be re-earned. And so I
>>stood my ground and said, enough is enough, no more fighting, we
>>need to trust what he is saying is the truth, and made it known to
>>him that whether or not he was or wasn't on anything at this point
>>wasn't the case, and what we thought about it was not the case right
>>now, right now we are talking trust and honor among blood relatives
>>and if he wants to abuse that, that is his choice. I have always
>>stressed that honor and trust is the most valuable among family and
>>friends too but particularly family, and if you don't have that,
>>there isn't much to share but pleasantries and a facade of a
>>relationship. Was he on something? Could well have been cause he had
>>a drunk driving arrest after that time and admitted to toking the
>>wacky ta-backie quite often. Thing is you can't smell it on him. I
>>know he was smoking too around that time and I'll be danged if we
>>could ever smell it on him. takes after his gramma I guess, she
>>smokes cigarettes and you can't smell it on her anywhere. Anyway,
>>the point being it is difficult to give out the chances to trample
>>the trust without feeling stupid or unwise, and yet just like love,
>>you can't enjoy it if it isn't out there to be trampled if one
>>chooses to do that to you. Enough trampling and one pulls the head
>>in the shell for a little reprieve, but sooner or later, the trust
>>issue will come out and once again is laid on the chopping block.
>>Each time it is chopped at, we feel a bit foolish, stupid, like
>>we've been had again, and yet we can't not offer it again
>>eventually. It is easier with so called friends, we can choose to
>>lose them, but family is much harder to ever do that. However, in
>>all the trusting, that does not equate to being unwise by offering
>>a blank check handed out without consideration. Because just as it
>>is right to offer it, it is also right to be good stewards of those
>>who may hold it. If one knows it will be abused today, just as it
>>was yesterday, then wisdom takes play until some tangible results
>>are shown to prove the earning of it again. Anyway, I hope those
>>tears Chris shed were not a crock, or crocodile tears as you said,
>>but genuine appreciation for his parents and that he continues to
>>move on with a place of his own and does not put you and Greg in a
>>position of having to boot him out again.
>>
>>Brad
>>
>>
>>Brad
>>
>>
>>on 07:12 AM 12/23/2006, Kathy Du Bois said:
>>
>>Thanks Vinny,
>>He did come home Thursday evening. Yesterday, he spent about six
>>hours looking for another place to flop, but ended up here again
>>last night. I suppose that he's not real crazy about some of the
>>rules, the extreme restrictions that we've placed on the computer,
>>we won't let him drive the car, for now anyway, until he can insure
>>himself, he has to smoke outside and we've told him that he can't
>>have any of his current friends over, but he is accepting this, so
>>far, with understanding. We've told him that he can stay here while
>>he looks for a full time job and then think about providing his own
>>roof over his head. He is talking as though he is truly
>>appreciative, but it is definitely not a permanent solution. I"m
>>sure that he is anxious to be out on his own again, and we are
>>anxious that he not get too comfortable. Also, if he goes out
>>partying, we are planning on telling him not to bother coming home,
>>but to sleep it off where he is. This evening, we are going
>>caroling with some friends and he wants to come along. I have no
>>clue if he will be in church tomorrow. He may come to the evening
>>service. It's my favorite service of the year with tons of singing
>>and candles. It's just cozy.
>>
>>Last night, while Greg was bringing him home in the car, He said
>>that he wished that we would trust him and Greg told him flat out
>>that we don't trust him and that he has done a lot of damage to our
>>relationship with him. Last night, for the first time, that finally
>>seemed to sink in. He was in tears last night when he thanked us
>>for taking him back in. Whether those were crocodile tears or
>>genuine, only God knows. We don't trust him and we are staying very
>>cautious and alert, but we love him and we want to see him succeed,
>>so we continue to proceed with God's wisdom and pray for the best.
>>
>>thanks for praying Vinny. I'm a little scared, but I am trying hard
>>to claim God's peace in the situation and also to remember that this
>>is my home and I am the authority, under Greg, of course.
>>Kathy
>>
>>
>>
>>At 09:58 PM 12/22/2006, you wrote:
>>Oh Kathy,
>>I'm praying.
>>Vinny
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>Sent: Thursday, December 21, 2006 12:51 PM
>>Subject: Chris may be moving home temporarily
>>
>>
>>Yep, you heard right. Chris may be moving home for a few weeks, or
>>days, depending on how it goes. He is in the process of talking to
>>different art institutes, looking for the right one for him. I've
>>been honest with him that I am nervous about this possibility and I
>>think that he is too. If things went his way, he would begin
>>college January 8, but he just doesn't realize the amount of paper
>>work and everything else involved. We choose to just let him find
>>out on his own rather than say anything that might sound like a
>>discouraging word. At least he is motivated to take a fresh step
>>and that is a good thing. I don't know when this will happen. I
>>know that he will be staying here at least Saturday and Sunday
>>nights, but he might need a place already tonight, so we'll
>>see. Nothing like adding stress to a laid back Christmas
>>season. Truthfully, I don't think that he really wants to come home
>>either, so that should help in the moving him out department. At
>>least I pray so.
>>Kathy
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