I know Thanksgiving is past but this is still good. Get out the
tissues to wipe your eyes, not from crying but from laughing.
Text of forwarded message follows:
>JASPER.......
>
>We have a Fox Terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
>summer of 2001 from the Fox Terrier rescue program. For those of you
>who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a
>10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to
>doing your best to be a good parent.
>
>
>Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only
>sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face
>as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest
>you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you
>that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit
>including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The
>new door cost over $200. But I digress.
>
>
>Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of
>the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it
>got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a
>lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was,
>however, assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast
>dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. (I am
>still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so
>quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that
>worked, thus the assignment.)
>
>
>I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat
>on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can
>imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin
>Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set
>them in the living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry
>and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.
>
>
>An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30
>pm. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my
>shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper,
>and my worst night-mare became a reality. He literally wobbled over
>to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and
>the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked,
>even his cheeks were bloated.
>
>
>I ran to the phone and called our vet's emergency number. After a
>few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would
>probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto-Bismol every 2
>hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog
>would like Pepto-Bismol any more than my kids did when they were
>sick. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was
>black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the
>bed for the night.
>
>
>Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very
>stupid on my part. We arose at 7:30, and as we always do first thing
>we put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as
>drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He as running into walls,
>falling flat. Most of the time when he was walking, his front half
>was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the
>grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift
>his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When
>he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop
>himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were
>dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.
>
>
>I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call
>within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in
>his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not
>unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after few
>hours and to keep giving him Pepto-Bismol.
>
>
>Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him
>up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
>Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on
>a ranch (a 10 to 15 minute drive). The rolls firmly secured in the
>trunk (124 less 12) and the drunk dog leaning from the back seat
>onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
>
>
>Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
>when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls,
>DOGS WILL BURP! These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have
>matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But
>that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart... and they
>smelled like baked rolls. May I be stuck dead if I am not telling
>the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful
>she didn't live any further away than she did.
>
>
>Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
>locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of
>the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and
>everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each
>returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without
>running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes
>in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had
>been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, I might as
>well have swallowed concrete. But, alas a dog's digestive system is
>quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed
>blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having discovered
>his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so
>we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part.
>
>
>The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and it
>withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement
>beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a
>shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services)
>had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the
>remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough,
>the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and
>left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too!
>
>
>Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
>home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving
>dinner at Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of
>today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and
>temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tri-color. None
>the worse for wear I presume.
>
>
>I am also happy to report that just this evening I found two risen
>unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he
>must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them, decided hiding
>two of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing
>research on the computer as to "How to clean unbaked dough from carpeting."
>
>
>And how was your Thanksgiving?
>
>No virus found in this incoming message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.17.4/644 - Release Date:
>1/22/2007 7:30 AM
End of forwarded message text:
John
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.17.4/644 - Release Date: 1/22/2007 7:30 AM
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