Kathy,

I have to admit, I was a little concerned given the temper Chris displayed 
a while back. It sure is hard not to give 'em another chance. Some time 
ago, my son, who looking back, may well have been on something, sat at our 
counter and we were drilling him quite hard on that fact and he swearing 
he wasn't. My wife offered, in so many words, a drug test in which he said 
"Sure I don't care it's your money but I know how it will come out and I'm 
not on anything". On and on we went and to a point he was in tears, my 
wife was upset at both him and me. I was standing by watching the show go 
on and felt a strong sense to just trust him, whether or not he is telling 
the truth right now, I needed to give him the trust. If we never ever give 
the trust to be trampled, it can never be re-earned. And so I stood my 
ground and said, enough is enough, no more fighting, we need to trust what 
he is saying is the truth, and made it known to him that whether or not he 
was or wasn't  on anything at this point wasn't the case, and what we 
thought about it was not the case right now, right now we are talking 
trust and honor among blood relatives and if he wants to abuse that, that 
is his choice.  I have always stressed that honor and trust is the most 
valuable among family and friends too but particularly family, and if you 
don't have that, there isn't much to share but pleasantries and a facade 
of a relationship. Was he on something? Could well have been cause he had 
a drunk driving arrest after that time and admitted to toking the wacky 
ta-backie quite often. Thing is you can't smell it on him. I know he was 
smoking too around that time and I'll be danged if we could ever smell it 
on him. takes after his gramma I guess, she smokes cigarettes and you 
can't smell it on her anywhere. Anyway, the point being it is difficult to 
give out the chances to trample the trust without feeling stupid or 
unwise, and yet just like love, you can't enjoy it if it isn't out there 
to be trampled if one chooses to do that to you. Enough trampling and one 
pulls the head in the shell for a little reprieve, but sooner or later, 
the trust issue will come out and once again is laid on the chopping 
block. Each time it is chopped at, we feel a bit foolish, stupid, like 
we've been had again, and yet  we can't not offer it again eventually. It 
is easier with so called friends, we can choose to lose them, but family 
is much harder to ever do that. However, in all the trusting, that does 
not equate to being  unwise  by offering a blank check handed out without 
consideration. Because just as it is right to offer it, it is also right 
to be good stewards of those who may hold it. If one knows it will be 
abused today, just as it was yesterday, then wisdom takes play until some 
tangible results are shown to prove the earning of it again. Anyway, I 
hope those tears Chris shed were not a crock, or crocodile tears as you 
said, but genuine appreciation for his parents  and that he continues to 
move on with a place of his own and does not put you and Greg in a 
position of having to boot him out again.

Brad


Brad


on 07:12 AM 12/23/2006, Kathy Du Bois said:

Thanks Vinny,
He did come home Thursday evening.  Yesterday, he spent about six hours 
looking for another place to flop, but ended up here again last night.  I 
suppose that he's not real crazy about some of the rules, the extreme 
restrictions that we've placed on the computer, we won't let him drive the 
car, for now anyway, until he can insure himself, he has to smoke outside 
and we've told him that he can't have any of his current friends over, but 
he is accepting this, so far, with understanding.  We've told him that he 
can stay here while he looks for a full time job and then think about 
providing his own roof over his head.  He is talking as though he is truly 
appreciative, but it is definitely not a permanent   solution.  I"m sure 
that he is anxious to be out on his own again, and we are anxious that he 
not get too comfortable.  Also, if he goes out partying, we are planning 
on telling him not to bother coming home, but to sleep it off where he 
is.  This evening, we are going caroling with some friends and he wants to 
come along.  I have no clue if he will be in church tomorrow.  He may come 
to the evening service.  It's my favorite service of the year with tons of 
singing and candles.  It's just cozy.

Last night, while Greg was bringing him home in the car, He said that he 
wished that we would trust him and Greg told him flat out that we don't 
trust him and that he has done a lot of damage to our relationship with 
him.  Last night, for the first time, that finally seemed to sink in.  He 
was in tears last night when he thanked us for taking him back 
in.  Whether those were crocodile tears or genuine, only God knows.  We 
don't trust him and we are staying very cautious and alert, but we love 
him and we want to see him succeed, so we continue to proceed with God's 
wisdom and pray for the best.

thanks for praying Vinny.  I'm a little scared, but I am trying hard to 
claim God's peace in the situation and also to remember that this is my 
home and I am the authority, under Greg, of course.
Kathy



At 09:58 PM 12/22/2006, you wrote:
Oh Kathy,
I'm praying.
Vinny
----- Original Message ----- From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, December 21, 2006 12:51 PM
Subject: Chris may be moving home temporarily


Yep, you heard right.  Chris may be moving home for a few weeks, or days, 
depending on how it goes.  He is in the process of talking to different 
art institutes, looking for the right one for him.  I've been honest with 
him that I am nervous about this possibility and I think that he is 
too.  If things went his way, he would begin college January 8, but he 
just doesn't realize the amount of paper work and everything else 
involved.  We choose  to just let him find out on his own rather than say 
anything that might sound like a discouraging word.  At least he is 
motivated to take a fresh step and that is a good thing.  I don't know 
when this will happen.  I know that he will be staying here at least 
Saturday and Sunday nights, but he might need a place already tonight, so 
we'll see.  Nothing like adding stress to a laid back Christmas 
season.  Truthfully, I don't think that he really wants to come home 
either, so that should help in the moving him out department.  At least I 
pray so.
Kathy