This is a true story.

     So it's this way.  I was in the shower the other night,
minding my own business, and praying, as I always do while
showering, and something terrible happened.  I was nearing the
finish line, as it were, that is, I was standing under the mighty
blast of the shower spray, washing off all the hand soap I had
been using, plus the shampoo from my hair, when it happened.
Since Colorado is considered to be a semi arid place, it is pretty
dry.  I mean, 18 percent humidity is getting pretty high for us.
My sinuses, therefore, are always quite dry.  In the closed in
shower stall, well, it is a bathtub with a shower, it gets mighty
humid.  So my sinus get pretty, moist, shall we say?  It's good
for them, though.  Anyhow, I'm rinsing off, as it were, and the
soap and shampoo is washing away.  My nose was a little runny, not
like a bad cold, but just near that stage due to all the moisture
in the shower.  Perfectly normal.  right?  So, as the soap is
running off, I instinctively sniffed.  Wrong thing to do but it
has never happened before so how would I know not to do it?  I
suddenly, and without warning, realized a soap bubble had formed
over my left nostril and that little sniff snuffed it right up the
old nose.  My sinuses caught on fire.  It felt like somebody
struck a match under my nose.  Fire.  I instantly began blowing
like a bull on the attack figuring that was the best way of
clearing my sinuses.  No soap, I mean, no help.  The fire spread
the harder I worked at clearing my nose.  I really started praying
then.  I felt the fire crawling up my sinuses, higher and higher,
and eventually, I have artificial eyes, my left eye, the socket of
the eye, burned like a forest fire.  Now for those of you with
weak stomachs, skip this part.  Not knowing what to do and being
in terrible pain, the Lord not seeming to answer my desperate
prayers, I popped my left eye out in hopes the pressure of the eye
in the socket would lessen the pain.  Nope.  It didn't help.  My
eye socket burned like the worst sun burn you have ever
experienced.  I started praying even harder.  In fact, I was
begging.  Fire.  Help.  I continued getting worse.  Now, I have
had soap many times in my eyes, mouth, ears, or just generally on
sensitive skin where it burned.  I won't get into any details
here.  But I have never in my life, snorted a soap bubble up my
honker.  Fire.  Anyhow, it was about five minutes before my eye
and my nose began to stop burning.  It took several more minutes
before it finally stopped.  This was after a considerable amount
of blowing, too.  So, take heed, because if you snort a soap
bubble, it burns like hell.  Maybe the Lord was trying to teach me
something.  About hell maybe?

Phil.