The Lord spoke something to me today that had tremendous
meaning to me personally. It likely won't mean much to you when
you hear it but that's ok because He said it to me and not
necessarily to you.
I was at my desk early this morning. I didn't sleep well.
I haven't slept well for some time and for various reasons. What
the Lord spoke to me has to do with money although the words you
will soon hear don't seem to indicate that it has to do with
money at all. I know it does due to recent financial stress
under which Sandy and I have been living.
Before telling you what I heard from the Lord, let me give
you a little background. It has been nearly four years ago I
went full time in this intercessory prayer ministry. I am not
doing it because I want to, although I enjoy what I do more than
any ministry work I have ever done, but I am doing it for one
reason and one reason only. The Lord told me this was what He
wanted me to do and he literally spoke into my thoughts and told
me word for word what I would be doing. I began praying with a
couple of people before I fully committed myself to a full time
ministry. Why? I was scared to start doing it full time. Why
was I scared to go full time although I had lost my job a few
months earlier? I mean, what did I have to lose since I wasn't
working any way? I believed that God likely would not financially
provide for me and my family. This was based upon prior
experience of ministry failure, in my way of thinking, and
something the Lord revealed to me that I inherited from my father.
I won't explain that part because it would take too long and you
wouldn't believe it anyway. Don't I believe the Word of God?
No, not all of the time and not in every situation. You don't
either, if you are honest, that is. How do I know this? If
there is one Christian on this planet that doesn't get caught
worrying, doubting, sinning, feeling guilty about something, then
I not only wish to meet that person but I can tell you two things
about that person. One, they are dead, and two, they lied. So,
I know where you are in Christ because everybody is in the same
place. Like the old preacher said during the altar call, "The
ground below the cross is level." You start waving your Bible
around under my nose and telling me how much better you are than
me, or you are more spiritual than somebody else, or that God
loves you more because you are a better Christian, and I'm going
to pray God takes you out just for pride alone. So with that out
of the way, let me continue.
A few days ago, over the weekend I think it was, Sandy and I
were sitting out on our deck swing in the evening. We ended up,
eventually, talking about how bad off we were financially. Not a
good idea and certainly not a Scriptural one either. Regardless,
we were voicing, as it were, confessing would be another way of
putting it, our feelings. This form of confession is fine, if you
are seeking God for the answers. If you are not doing that, you
are out of Scriptural agreement with the Word of God and thus, the
Holy Spirit is grieved because you are saying the opposite of what
the Holy Spirit knows is true.
So, as I said, this was the sum and substance of our
conversation. I was thinking one way in my head but with my
mouth, in conversation with my wife, I was saying what I knew was
the truth. In my head, my thoughts, I was saying, "God has never
fully watched out for me financially before. He's not providing
for me now. If He is, He is doing a mighty poor job of it. I
have failed financially before. God's Word works but it won't
work for me and my finances," and you get the picture. A lot more
was going through my mind, too, but it was all based upon my
feelings and worries and concern that God would not come through
for me. With my mouth, during our conversation related to our
discouragement, I said to Sandy that I only know two things. I
then named those two things. The first thing I named was the
ministry God had told me to do, and that was not a ministry He was
asking me to do or calling me to do, but one He simply said, "This
is what you will be doing," and then in one sentence, he detailed
the ministry. If you want to know what that is, you can find it
on my website in my personal testimony of where I am in God. The
second thing I stated that I knew as a fact was that God spoke to
me four years ago this month and said to me, "This is who you are
now." I have never disbelieved that, nor the ministry He told me
I would be doing, to this day. I have doubted myself. I have
doubted God would provide. I have doubted a lot of other things
but never the two things He spoke into my heart and mind and
spirit. So why was I worried now? I was not worried about who
God was and what His Word said. I was worried about who I was and
what I can't do myself. Bingo! That's where God wanted me to be;
dead in the water and unable to navigate by myself. He does the
steering or have we forgotten that since we got saved? I forget
it all the time but it is truth. Not true but it is truth. I
also keep forgetting that Noah's ark didn't have a steering wheel
or even a rudder because Noah had never sailed a ship in his life
and he didn't even own a compass. The ark was no ship. It was
nothing more than a rectangular box. So, now God is moving me
into the place where the only thing left is Him. If that's not
where you are, then you aren't where God wants you to be. How do
we get to that point? You don't want to hear the answer to that
question yet so just keep reading.
So, again, this morning, after getting up at about 3:30 and
not really able to go back to sleep decently, I finally, about 7
or 8 o'clock, sat down at my desk and looked at email. I was very
very discouraged. I was also a little angry at God. That's
nothing knew for me and I've finally figured out that God isn't
afraid of me anyhow so being angry at God is a big waste of time.
We do it anyhow but rarely will admit it even to God when we are
convicted about our poor attitude. So, at the computer, and I
wasn't praying and didn't feel like praying, I clearly heard the
following words as my mind suddenly focused on our finances.
"Some things just have to be said." It was like a lightning
strike just detonated in my brain. My thoughts instantly flashed
back to the words I had spoken when talking with Sandy on the deck
swing. I had spoken exactly what God had told me even though my
mind was locked on all the wrong unscriptural things I wanted to
say. I'm getting goose bumps telling you this right now because
of the spiritual impact it has had today on me. My whole mental
focus changed and I felt the best I had felt in months; maybe
years.
I had a prayer session today that was very exciting because
of what the Lord did for that person. It would take a book just
to describe that one prayer session so you'll just have to take my
word for it. Later, when I thought through what this person had
experienced, I cried because of how spiritual deep the healing
was. After the prayer session, I ate lunch but the bad negative
feelings came back. Yet, the words I heard in my spirit, "Some
things just have to be said," were solid as a rock. My spirit
witnessed to the truth of those words and the Holy Spirit agreed
in such a way that I could not ignore those words and what they
meant to me personally.
It was nearly 100 degrees this afternoon in Denver but I went
out on the deck from time to time and sat in the swing. I
struggled with my feelings and searched for any demonic influence
trying to sidetrack me from the truth. I went on search and
destroy missions, trying to find if I believed any lies that were
keeping me from believing. The harder I worked at it, the worse I
felt. I cried at times from the spiritual pain I felt.
Let's back up a few weeks. One morning, a number of weeks
ago, I came out into my office, hardly awake, and took a blank
piece of Braille paper off my desk and reached to put it back up
on my floor to ceiling bookshelves behind my desk. I said, in my
thoughts to God, "I wish you would do something good for me
today," and immediately my mind went to at least two things which
both involved money. Suddenly, in my thoughts I heard, "I am your
money." I knew who it was but it shocked me to hear the Lord
speaking in such mundane words. I have never forgotten those
words, however, and somehow I knew they fit into the picture of
financial provisions and blessings but I couldn't figure out where
until today.
So, sitting on the deck swing one of those times this
afternoon, I recalled what Jesus had said about Him being my
money. I do this type of review of things the Lord has taught me
often. That's one reason why I write about things I've heard so I
can be reminded later if I forget. So I'm sitting in the heat,
crying off and on out of frustration, searching for the answers,
when I remembered Jesus said, "I'm your money." Again, I
realized how odd that sounded coming from the Lord. I asked the
Lord what He meant by that and my thoughts slammed so hard into
the truth, it almost physically rocked me. Jesus said, "I am the
bread of life." Bread is what everybody in the world, in all
periods of time, throughout the ages, have lived on. The key word
is, lived on. When Jesus told me "I am your money," he was
saying, "I am your bread of life," that is, your daily life of
provision. The two revelations locked into place like a padlock
and they closed around what He said this morning when He said to
me, "Some things just have to be said."
"Now, from here, I could teach about faith and confession for
a couple of hours and explain why these three things had such a
profound effect upon me spiritually. If you carefully read Mark
chapter 11 verses 22 through 25, you will discover that two things
come into play when removing mountains. One thing is literally,
what we say to the mountain. The key word here is, say, or what
we literally confess. I can prove what I am saying from the Greek
but I won't take the time in this message. Secondly, when we
pray, we believe that we receive and what we have said, the key
word is said, will come to pass. So, we must know how to pray and
we must know what to confess because what we confess is what we
pray and what we pray is what we receive. If we confess the
opposite of God's eternal Word, we grieve the Holy Spirit and we
lie and do not the truth. What we may be speaking appears true
but God is not interested in what the world says, He is interested
in what we say. If what we say is in agreement with His Word, it
will be done for us from Heaven.
The feeling of oppression soon began to lift and my
frustrations that I have carried for months began to drift away.
I'm not saying I have this down to a science but I am saying
something happened to me today that has renewed my mind and
thoughts to conform to the image of Christ.
I likewise always remind myself of what Jesus spoke to me
when I was searching a memory of when I was five years old which I
posted here once. "Phil, you don't have to be perfect because I
am." And so is His Word.
Phil.
He's ready when you are.
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com
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