Ay-menmnmnmnmnmnmnmnnmnmn Kathy!
God Bless You,
Reeva Parry and MariJean.
At 07:40 AM 6/24/06 -0400, Kathy Du Bois said:
>Phil,
> I've been thinking and praying about my answer for a
> while. You know that I know that our situations are slightly
> different. Gretchen is a girl and there are grand children
> involved. I've always acknowledged that. However, it has been
> your advice to me over the years that has given me the strength and
> resolve to do, what I trulye believe is proving to be in the best
> interest of Chris, hard as it is. I wish that you could go back
> over some of the advice that you've given to me over the
> years and now apply it to yourself in this situation.
> You've asked before, on this list, our opinion about
> forcing Gretchen to leave and, if memory serves me correctly, the
> majority has seemed to be in favor of letting her go and face the
> full blast of the consequences of the life she continues to choose
> to live. You told me that Chris should not be allowed to run my
> house or allowed to rob me of the tranquility that God wants to
> offer. Why do you allow Gretchen to continue to rob you of yours?
> Also, if it is wrong to live in sin, such as the way she is
> choosing to live with her boy friend, by making it easier on her,
> isn't that sort of like supporting her in her sin? Isn't that kind
> of like sending a mixed message to her that you shouldn't do this,
> but I love you too much to suffer the consequences, so I'll
> continue to help you out? If you study the life of Judah and
> Israel, God, the perfect parent, did eventually let go and make his
> children suffer the consequences of their decisions. Israel never
> did recover and even Judah only ended up with a remnant of it's
> former self. Again and again, God says to his people, "you must be
> holy, for I am holy," and "you must perge the evil from among you."
> Greg and I have drawn a lot on the lessons of parenting
> from God as He dealt with Judah and Israel. We continue to pray
> for Chris and we continue to allow contact, but he knows that he is
> not welcome home to live and he is really respecting us for
> it. There are a lot of things that he has done, and choices he
> has made, that I don't like. Things have happened to him that I
> don't like. It really hurt to learn that almost everything we ever
> gave him over the years was either trashed or stolen, but that is
> the result of his choices and, eventually, I believe that he will
> see that fully.
> I think that there is a reason why the prodigal left and
> didn't do his blatant sinning in his father's home. He had to get
> to the place where he couldn't blame anybody else any more. At
> home, there's always someone to blame and there's always someone
> who will give in to your foolishness, just one more time. In the
> world, you begin to face the truth, which is, sin is cruel, but God
> is always near.
> I know that you're still hoping that you can help
> Gretchen. What good parent wouldn't? But, you may not be the
> direct tool that God needs to use to help her see reality. I
> remember your experience, when you had pneumonia when you said that
> God told you to give Gretchen to Him. Have you really figured out
> what He meant by that yet?
> I know that I don't have answers, just my way of seeing
> things. Bluntly, if it were me, I'd have her leave, for the sake
> of the children. This has to be confusing for them as well, but
> that's just me. Perhaps I'm too hard nosed. After all, my own
> prodigal hasn't exactly come home and fallen on my neck in all out
> repentance and offered to be a servant, so, perhaps I'm too tough
> and your way is right. All I can say is, we have a peaceful home
> now and I love it. Chris comes home for visits and he's on his
> best behavior and we all love that even more. He never swears at
> me any more and he is polite. We still don't trust him and he has
> earned that, but he accepts that as a result of his past and
> present behavior. He is still choosing to live in termoil, but we
> have been removed from it and I thank God for that.
> You've given me good advice, phil, and I thank you for
> it. Please at least consider what I've said.
>Kathy, a fellow, struggling parent
>
>
>P.S.
>In another post, you asked the question, "what is a friend?" I hope
>that in this answer I have demonstrated to you what I believe a true
>friend is. A true friend doesn't just slap the trite phrase, "I'm
>praying for you," translated, "I pray that God rubber stamps your
>will," on everything. A friend speaks up, when necessary, in love
>and takes the risk that she will be shot back at with anger, because
>truth is so important to both.
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