Hi all,
I have a few things I'd like to share primarily for your prayers but would
welcome any comments on what I share.
First, as a part of the background to what I share later and so you know how
it is with me now, to those who don't know, I've been battling with a real
bad sleep problem for years and years but primarily in the last year. My
sleep was nothing for so long that I became quite mentally unwell, or that's
what it would seem, and I went through all sorts of peculiar neuro problems,
showing themselves in a sort of form of mini stroke and sometimes I would
clearly be on auto pilot, talking and having coffee and knowing nothing
about it. Finally, with increased meds, I became more and more sleepy but
felt unwell, so we decided I'd come off them all! I got almost down and had
a horrific reaction with awful nightmares etc and depression/doom and gloom
which I've not known before. My GP is still talking about being off the
meds in the next month and maybe we'll try Melatonin. (Medication and I
just don't seem to mix these days!)
Anyway, amidst all this, I try to keep going and, I have to say that the
fact that I am still in my home and appear fine a lot of the time to some at
least of our callers is a testimony of God's goodness to me. However, I'm
also battling with additional physical problems, including a very painful
arm and muscle damage over some months, a pretty wrecked shoulder, a back
that never goes away and legs now that are taking a lot of the pain from my
back. In addition I've been having some arthritis in my wrists and thumbs.
Now your thoughts and prayers: I've been asked to play the piano at a
wedding in three weeks' time. I used to play a lot until 15 years ago and
have had little opportunity since that time. (I only have a small
electronic piano which is fairly hard to play so don't find I even play
around on it too much.) Anyway, I have been practising on and off but keep
ending up with very stiff wrists and pains and yesterday just couldn't play
through the items. I am really wondering whether I'm to pull out of this
one. I know others who are going who are far better pianists than I am, but
it's not because I won't play in front of them that I'm thinking I should
pull out. I need my wrists and hands for reading, writing etc. and these
seem more important to me right now than playing the piano when others could
do it, even though the bride and groom, for some unknown reason, are very
keen that I should do it.
My thoughts and feelings are all over the place in this one, sometimes
thinking I can and should and at others feeling it's just another thing I
can't do right now.
With three weeks to go, I either have to pull out for good next weekend or
go ahead. The current pains and stiffnesss in my wrists and thumbs have
really knocked me back over the past couple of days to the point where I am
getting very stressed about it all.
Please stand with me in this, that I will do what He wants and, even more
important, that I will know just what that is.
--
Carol
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