phil.  consider yourself blessed.
Jenifer gilley
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble 
remembering how to fly."
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AIM: jenibear1998
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----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 3:20 PM
Subject: Grief


> This testimony isn't finalize but I thought it might help someone.
>
> The Cost Of Grief
>
>
> By Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>
>
>
>     both my parents are with the Lord.  I have, since I was just
> 11 years of age, experienced a lot of grief and loss.  I didn't
> recognize it for what it was for literally decades.  My father
> died when I was 11 years old.  when mom passed away in late 2002
> at 80 years of age, I was 50 years old.  Of course I felt
> sadness.  Yes, I cried, and often.  I missed her deeply and sorrow
> was painful.  These emotions are normal, up to a point, and for a
> reasonable amount of time, but if such feelings are abnormally
> prolonged, or become debilitating, there are other problems which
> need to be addressed.
>
>     Recently I was proofreading a new chapter I was adding to my
> book called "The Deceitfulness Of Sin."  I was using my own
> personal experiences concerning the death of my mother and father
> to address the subject of grief.  Mom's death I expected for
> several years due to strokes.  It was finally a stroke that took
> her life.  Somehow, it seemed as if I had said my goodbyes to her
> many years before.  To say her death was easier on me, however,
> wouldn't be the way I felt, actually, but after all, I was 50
> years old at the time and able to reason a lot better than when I
> was a child.  When it came to my father, on the other hand, I felt
> for decades that I had been robbed of him because he died
> unexpectedly.  Plus, I never got to see him before he died nor did
> I get to say goodbye to him.
>
>     Through intercessory prayer, I have experienced a great deal
> of healing related to my dad, his death, and other emotional
> problems which passed on to me.  I never knew about these things,
> of course, growing up.  Through prayer, my goodbyes had been said
> and other very dramatic experiences, spiritually speaking, have
> occurred in recent years which have afforded a miraculous amount
> of emotional healing.
>
>     As I have mentioned, I was recently proofreading a new
> chapter on grief.  I was focused on the part of the story when I
> came home from school, found a house full of people I knew, and my
> mom told me that dad had died that day.  If you have ever lost a
> parent as a child, or had a miscarriage, or lost a young child,
> you know what it was like.  If you haven't, there are no words to
> describe the emotional trauma that slammed into my body and mind
> at that moment in time.
>
>     As I read, through proofreading my book, about this most
> emotionally devastating time of my life, suddenly all those
> emotions seemed to rush in upon me again.  Seated at my work desk
> in my office and reading the words on the screen with the aid of
> my voice synthesizer, I felt slammed backward in time with such
> force, tears came to my eyes.  I instantly felt as if a two inch
> hole in the center of my chest opened up.  It was like a large gun
> had been placed against my chest and someone was beginning to
> squeeze the trigger to blow me away.  It was literally a physical
> sensation.  I heard the words form in my mind and I think I said
> them out loud.  "Dad, why did you leave me?"  Tears instantly
> formed in the corners of my eyes and burned like fire.  My
> relationship with the Lord immediately kicked into what I call a
> Search And Destroy mission or a SAD for short.  This means that I
> attempt, through prayer and feelings in my thoughts, to search
> for the cause, in order to discover the root.  Instantly, I heard
> myself saying in my thoughts, "That's not what Jesus told me about
> my dad."  My mind flashed so rapidly to various points of truth I
> had learned from the Lord concerning my dad, I couldn't even keep
> up with the memories.  I at once recognized the spiritual truth
> the Lord was speaking to me about what was occurring and that I
> was being lied to by the Enemy.  The feelings were present in full
> force, the thoughts were there, the tears were real, and the grief
> was almost overbearing.  I literally felt 11 years old for a
> split second as the feelings detonated within my emotions.
> Curiously, the moment I realized what I was feeling and
> experiencing at that very instant of memory time, and confessed it
> was totally contrary to what Jesus had revealed in times past, the
> feelings and the tears, and the question why my dad left me
> suddenly vanished.  I nearly laughed out loud.  I recognized the
> trick of the Enemy.  He had used a devilish lie, literal physical
> impressions, my very own emotions, and real tears, to execute an
> attempt to regain a foothold related to a previously healed area
> by the Lord.  I was shocked, momentarily, at the realization of
> the power of his deceptiveness.  Plus, I almost fell for it.
> Thank God, the truth of the True Lord Jesus Christ shattered,
> splintered, and totally blew away the Enemy's attempts of evil
> perpetrated against me.
>
>     this leads me to some very important points.  As I have said
> in other testimonies, I was taught in Bible college, and by a very
> prominent professor, "If you leave Satan alone, he will leave you
> alone."  I have learned the hard way, this is probably one of
> Satan's most devastating and deceptive lies.  Additionally, the
> Enemy will even use emotions and feelings to attempt deceptively
> to move against God's people.  Unfortunately, many Christians
> simply do not believe this is possible.  I didn't either.  Since I
> have experienced it dozens of times, I now know better and thank
> God for His truth spoken through the written word of God and the
> living Words of Christ.
>
>
> Safe Place Fellowship
> Phil Scovell
> Denver, Colorado
> Mountain Time Zone
> 303-507-5175
> www.SafePlaceFellowship.com
> 
>
> Learning Jesus
> www.SafePlaceFellowship.com