Chickenheart Lionmouth Revisited
By Baba Galleh Jallow
Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth, managing director of No Cough Enterprises, was a
very special man in our little town. He was not only special because of his
special qualities of mind, but also because he was simply one of the
greatest guys ever to breath the airs of our little town. No wonder our
common townsfolk, who had never beheld such dazzling qualities before,
called him the great cock who, having no need to crow, cackled instead like
a mother hen to get his wishes done. They also called him Yappagi, the meat
that needs no cooking, and Gejjagi, the fish that needs no drying. Sometimes
they even called him Mbotagi, the frog that does not jump! Such was our
common townsfolks’ great admiration for our indomitable Dr. Chickenheart
Lionmouth of the thunderous roar.
Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth came from very humble backgrounds, but judging by
the greatness of his industry and the great status that he had achieved
thanks to his special qualities of limb, the great guy was now larger than
life in our little town. Having struggled through primary and secondary
school, Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth attended the famous University of
Nodegree, from where he graduated Summa Cum Laughter with a Bachelor of
Robes in Braggarts. From there, our gallant genius went on to the famous
University of Yokagi from where he clinched a Master of Herbs in Heehawlogy.
So dazzling was his performance that he was admitted at Yokagi’s
world-renowned Doctored program in Yokalogy. It was after he got his
doctorate in Yokalogy that Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth came back home to our
little town to set up the now universally famous No Cough Enterprises. He
was given a hero’s welcome befitting the greatest of kings and shortly
entered into our little town’s Hall of Shame, which, in our own language
Openspeak, means exactly what it means.
It was not at all surprising that the great Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth soon
became one of the greatest success stories in our little town. For in
addition to being a business genius, our gallant Chickenheart Lionmouth was
also a great poorator and a zoolantopist. It was on account of his impious
and uncharitable nature that he became known as the Father of Demotion, a
title he greatly cherished. The only difficulty our common townsfolk had
with Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth, which really was not a big problem, was
that the great guy had a very bad temper and liked to tamper. When he got
annoyed, his rage was so furious that even chickens and lizards ran to hide
when they saw him coming. For at such unfortunate moments, our gallant
Doctor would huff and pant and foam at the mouth and loudly wail and pull
his hair. He would sniff and cough and loudly splutter, and make such
guttural noises as would frighten not only chickens, lizards, and little
children, but also some of our poor common townsfolk, who would rush
headlong under their beds to avoid being swept away by the raging storm. The
poor staff at No Cough Enterprises would be most petrified, sometimes
running to hide under their chairs lest they further annoy the great boss by
showing their ugly faces. For when he is angry, Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth
called everybody fool and liar and gave them a resounding slap if they dared
to cross his path.
Then when his temper cools down a bit, Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth would call
a general meeting of the staff at No Cough Enterprises where he would set to
harshly berating whoever the culprit was that allegedly made him mad. He
would dwell on the shameful ingratitude of little nobodies who thought that
they were wise and challenge anyone to a wrestling competition, reminding
everybody that timey haleh, when he was young, they used to call him Ikolo,
the great wrestler who threw down the jinns and cut off their many heads.
“It is my kind heart that disturbs me,” he would regretfully fume, refusing
to wipe off the think mucus that ran down his nostrils and gave him a truly
frightening look. “Because the last time I got those fools, I wanted to deal
with them. But they came scurrying on their knees, dragging themselves on
their lying bellies and begging me for mercy. They came weeping and wailing
and calling me Father of Demotion, praying that I forgive them. Then when I
found it in my good heart to forgive them, they go about telling lies about
me and calling me fool, and monkey. I will not tolerate that anymore!” He
would bang his desk so hard that some of the staff would fall to the floor
and cover their heads, thinking that it was a bomb!
Remembering the shameful ingratitude of those stupid blokes, Dr.
Chickenheart Lionmouth would again burst into tears and ask his cronies to
bring him some pepper, which he would furiously pour into his eyes to
further express his rage. Then all the faithful cronies would run up to him
and call him father, and beg him not to sprinkle any more pepper in his
eyes, and to please pour some hot water on his head and in his eyes to cool
his temper. Whereby Dr. Chickenheart Lionmouth would scrape his eyes with a
toothbrush and loudly wail: “I do not cry for anything in this world! No one
can make me cry! And if I wanted to, I will ban everybody from calling me
Father of Demotion, and I would stop demoting those fools who come to work
for me because they claim to love my ideas and my wisdom and all the good
things that I do and that these jealous fools can never do. But now they go
about telling lies about me only to come back to me, crawling on their
knees, calling me Father of Demotion, saying, please father, you have shamed
and demoted us but we still love you.” At which point all the staff and
cronies at No Cough Enterprises would send a universal hail up to heaven and
repeatedly call him Father of Demotion. And our gallant Doctor would proudly
beam and munch his cheeks and kindly say, “okay, okay I forgive and I forget
because I am the Father of Demotion. But I will not forgive any one who does
not recognize me as such. Its-a-mad-day.”
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