Very well said Virgie.

Brad


At 03:24 PM 1/24/2006 -0500, you wrote:
>Hi Angel,
>It is not whining when you are sharing with your Christian family.  It is
>also true that we do not understand just how frustrated it can get for you
>but we can pray with you and for you.  We can listen, have compassion,
>perhaps make suggestions, and then we can pray some more. We know you are
>hurting and we will do what we can to help you get through it.
>May God bless you and keep you.
>Huggs and blessings.
>Virgie and Hoshi
>----- Original Message -----
>From: <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2006 3:06 PM
>Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris
>
>
> > Thank you so much.  My son's name is Malcolm.  I understand what you mean
> > and will take to heart what you are saying.  It is hard to talk about my
> > frustrations as to me it seems a lot like wining but I will try harder as
> > I
> > do need prayer concerning them.  The Catholic Church has set up the God
> > Parent thing.  God parents are chosen at a child's birth.  These days
> > there
> > is a lack of understanding as to exactly the functions of a God parent.
> > Originally, when there was a lot of parental mortality, God parents were
> > suppose to raise the children should the original parents die.  This is
> > why
> > to this day the Catholic Church tries to make sure the God parents are
> > Christian so they can continue to instill the Christian values the parents
> > began.  His uncle on his Father's side is his God Father and he should be
> > a
> > mentor to my son now.  But my husband's family seems to want nothing to do
> > with us since my husband's illness.  They don't call or ask after him or
> > anything.  When my computer crashed the last time I lost their phone
> > numbers
> > so I can't call any of them.  They certainly didn't mind talking to him
> > when
> > they could ask him for money though.  I will look for some mentor who
> > could
> > help him though.  Thanks to you all for your many prayers and concerns.
> > They
> > are much appreciated.
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: MV <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:16 AM
> > Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris
> >
> >
> >> Angel,
> >>
> >> What is your son's name if you don't mind me asking?   Also perhaps, and
> >> this is of course up to you no pressure of any sort, perhaps you would
> > find
> >> it helpful to post some of your frustrations and etc. here for prayer and
> >> support? I don't say that to put my, or anyone else's nose in your
> > business
> >> and certainly you will not invoke any offense if you choose not to, but
> >> sometimes writing stuff out even helps, as well just confiding in other
> >> folks that have experienced similar or can offer some sort of help if no
> >> other than moral support at times.  If not here on list perhaps privately
> >> with anyone willing to lend an ear.   Kathy seemed to find some support
> >> here with Chris, as do we all when we have an issue. I don't know that
> > much
> >> about your situation other than you have a 15 year old son who is in
> >> rebellion and carelessness, a husband incapacitated due to Altz Imers
> >> Disease, have a job and seem well read Biblically.  I got to tell ya, you
> >> bear a heavy load having to be both parents, hold down a job, the
> >> household, and dealing with all but loss of your husband due to his
> >> situation. Having  offered that if you don't mind me saying I have a
> > couple
> >> of comments. While your son might be in a rebellious stage, he is also 15
> >> years old. I remember my son at that age and even myself for that matter.
> >> My mom would tell me to do something and I'd not do it. Not out of
> >> rebellion because I really wasn't rebellious for reasons I'll not bore
> >> you
> >> with here, but it was more the stage I was in of forgetfulness, busyness
> >> and etc. Friends and beginning to break free a bit was more the reason.
> >> My
> >> son is 19 years old and still I have to double check on some things when
> > we
> >> ask him to do something around here, but he I think has got it down now,
> >> finally *smile*. There could be some things he is dealing with as well
> >> regarding your husband's situation, feelings of being cheated in a way,
> >> perhaps a lack of authority he can buck against to find the boundaries of
> >> behavior since as you noted, he can push your buttons. These I think are
> >> natural things kids go through and can yes seem as though they are mean,
> >> selfish and careless. You are looking at it from a parent standpoint of
> > now
> >> being a single parent yet with the responsibility and pain of seeing your
> >> husband's situation, hold down a job, and to do everything else one must
> > do
> >> in life paying bills, dishes, wash, etc. and you are probably thinking,
> >> or
> >> had thought,  due to the situation it is time to pull together and rise
> >> to
> >> the occasion and handle this thing in life. And when it doesn't happen
> >> you
> >> get frustrated, mad, appalled perhaps how your son could be so selfish
> >> and
> >> mean, caring  not at all about what needs to happen around the house and
> >> etc. While your son on the other hand is looking at it from a young man
> >> or
> >> boy, a family that has been torn apart due to health issues. A dad he
> > can't
> >> toss a ball around the yard with, learn to drive, or have a father -son
> >> talk with now and again,  or for that matter, to step up and be the
> >> strong
> >> authority which he knows he can't get by. I'm not saying you aren't
> > strong,
> >> but you mentioned he has found the combination to your buttons to where
> >> he
> >> can beat you mentally. Many times the dynamics of two parents is one can
> >> play the compassionate one yet still siding with the other parent while
> > the
> >> other is the jerk and making the demands. That is just how it works
> >> sometimes. Sort of the old saying "Wait until your father gets home".
> > There
> >> is that fear of how dad will react and it is that fear that helps keep
> >> things in check. Not that dads ought be feared overall, I think you know
> > my
> >> point. So your son is maybe feeling as though he is lacking that brick
> > wall
> >> he knows he can't get passed.   They will never admit it, but they look
> > for
> >> and rely on that solid discipline in order to be secure and stable as
> >> well.  Getting yourself so upset no is not good, perhaps it is high blood
> >> pressure, perhaps it is just mind overload.  Easier said than done I
> >> know,
> >> but for your sake and your son's  it would be good to not let the buttons
> >> be pushed. I know, I know, I've tried this with my wife in the past when
> > we
> >> went through some rough times, and it is not easy, but it does bring a
> >> strength and change of dynamics to the relationship that works to the
> >> positive the more one tries. Even if the buttons are pushed, perhaps just
> >> backing away from the situation before you say or do the things you don't
> >> want. Also off cuff here, and I haven't thought of it much here, but what
> >> about finding a saragot father figure such as an uncle or someone who
> > might
> >> be willing to serve as a strong hold, someone you are declaring to your
> > son
> >> which he is accountable to. It would go over like a lead balloon and
> >> perhaps not work, but perhaps it would, I don't know, it was just a
> > thought
> >> towards changing what might potentially be a problem in your son's life.
> >> Anyway, I and others I'm sure will be praying for you.  Whether or not
> >> you
> >> feel like it, just from what I know of your posts here in the past, you
> > are
> >> a very strong woman and obviously very reliant on God for your situation.
> >> As hard as it is at times with your son and husband, realize you are
> >> doing
> >> your best, and from what  it seems, you are doing a noble job holding it
> >> all  together and raising your son during a stretching time  of his life
> >> where even in a picket fence situation there would be normal challenges.
> >>
> >> Brad

Brad

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