Hi Angel,
It is not whining when you are sharing with your Christian family.  It is 
also true that we do not understand just how frustrated it can get for you 
but we can pray with you and for you.  We can listen, have compassion, 
perhaps make suggestions, and then we can pray some more. We know you are 
hurting and we will do what we can to help you get through it.
May God bless you and keep you.
Huggs and blessings.
Virgie and Hoshi
----- Original Message ----- 
From: <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2006 3:06 PM
Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris


> Thank you so much.  My son's name is Malcolm.  I understand what you mean
> and will take to heart what you are saying.  It is hard to talk about my
> frustrations as to me it seems a lot like wining but I will try harder as 
> I
> do need prayer concerning them.  The Catholic Church has set up the God
> Parent thing.  God parents are chosen at a child's birth.  These days 
> there
> is a lack of understanding as to exactly the functions of a God parent.
> Originally, when there was a lot of parental mortality, God parents were
> suppose to raise the children should the original parents die.  This is 
> why
> to this day the Catholic Church tries to make sure the God parents are
> Christian so they can continue to instill the Christian values the parents
> began.  His uncle on his Father's side is his God Father and he should be 
> a
> mentor to my son now.  But my husband's family seems to want nothing to do
> with us since my husband's illness.  They don't call or ask after him or
> anything.  When my computer crashed the last time I lost their phone 
> numbers
> so I can't call any of them.  They certainly didn't mind talking to him 
> when
> they could ask him for money though.  I will look for some mentor who 
> could
> help him though.  Thanks to you all for your many prayers and concerns. 
> They
> are much appreciated.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: MV <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:16 AM
> Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris
>
>
>> Angel,
>>
>> What is your son's name if you don't mind me asking?   Also perhaps, and
>> this is of course up to you no pressure of any sort, perhaps you would
> find
>> it helpful to post some of your frustrations and etc. here for prayer and
>> support? I don't say that to put my, or anyone else's nose in your
> business
>> and certainly you will not invoke any offense if you choose not to, but
>> sometimes writing stuff out even helps, as well just confiding in other
>> folks that have experienced similar or can offer some sort of help if no
>> other than moral support at times.  If not here on list perhaps privately
>> with anyone willing to lend an ear.   Kathy seemed to find some support
>> here with Chris, as do we all when we have an issue. I don't know that
> much
>> about your situation other than you have a 15 year old son who is in
>> rebellion and carelessness, a husband incapacitated due to Altz Imers
>> Disease, have a job and seem well read Biblically.  I got to tell ya, you
>> bear a heavy load having to be both parents, hold down a job, the
>> household, and dealing with all but loss of your husband due to his
>> situation. Having  offered that if you don't mind me saying I have a
> couple
>> of comments. While your son might be in a rebellious stage, he is also 15
>> years old. I remember my son at that age and even myself for that matter.
>> My mom would tell me to do something and I'd not do it. Not out of
>> rebellion because I really wasn't rebellious for reasons I'll not bore 
>> you
>> with here, but it was more the stage I was in of forgetfulness, busyness
>> and etc. Friends and beginning to break free a bit was more the reason. 
>> My
>> son is 19 years old and still I have to double check on some things when
> we
>> ask him to do something around here, but he I think has got it down now,
>> finally *smile*. There could be some things he is dealing with as well
>> regarding your husband's situation, feelings of being cheated in a way,
>> perhaps a lack of authority he can buck against to find the boundaries of
>> behavior since as you noted, he can push your buttons. These I think are
>> natural things kids go through and can yes seem as though they are mean,
>> selfish and careless. You are looking at it from a parent standpoint of
> now
>> being a single parent yet with the responsibility and pain of seeing your
>> husband's situation, hold down a job, and to do everything else one must
> do
>> in life paying bills, dishes, wash, etc. and you are probably thinking, 
>> or
>> had thought,  due to the situation it is time to pull together and rise 
>> to
>> the occasion and handle this thing in life. And when it doesn't happen 
>> you
>> get frustrated, mad, appalled perhaps how your son could be so selfish 
>> and
>> mean, caring  not at all about what needs to happen around the house and
>> etc. While your son on the other hand is looking at it from a young man 
>> or
>> boy, a family that has been torn apart due to health issues. A dad he
> can't
>> toss a ball around the yard with, learn to drive, or have a father -son
>> talk with now and again,  or for that matter, to step up and be the 
>> strong
>> authority which he knows he can't get by. I'm not saying you aren't
> strong,
>> but you mentioned he has found the combination to your buttons to where 
>> he
>> can beat you mentally. Many times the dynamics of two parents is one can
>> play the compassionate one yet still siding with the other parent while
> the
>> other is the jerk and making the demands. That is just how it works
>> sometimes. Sort of the old saying "Wait until your father gets home".
> There
>> is that fear of how dad will react and it is that fear that helps keep
>> things in check. Not that dads ought be feared overall, I think you know
> my
>> point. So your son is maybe feeling as though he is lacking that brick
> wall
>> he knows he can't get passed.   They will never admit it, but they look
> for
>> and rely on that solid discipline in order to be secure and stable as
>> well.  Getting yourself so upset no is not good, perhaps it is high blood
>> pressure, perhaps it is just mind overload.  Easier said than done I 
>> know,
>> but for your sake and your son's  it would be good to not let the buttons
>> be pushed. I know, I know, I've tried this with my wife in the past when
> we
>> went through some rough times, and it is not easy, but it does bring a
>> strength and change of dynamics to the relationship that works to the
>> positive the more one tries. Even if the buttons are pushed, perhaps just
>> backing away from the situation before you say or do the things you don't
>> want. Also off cuff here, and I haven't thought of it much here, but what
>> about finding a saragot father figure such as an uncle or someone who
> might
>> be willing to serve as a strong hold, someone you are declaring to your
> son
>> which he is accountable to. It would go over like a lead balloon and
>> perhaps not work, but perhaps it would, I don't know, it was just a
> thought
>> towards changing what might potentially be a problem in your son's life.
>> Anyway, I and others I'm sure will be praying for you.  Whether or not 
>> you
>> feel like it, just from what I know of your posts here in the past, you
> are
>> a very strong woman and obviously very reliant on God for your situation.
>> As hard as it is at times with your son and husband, realize you are 
>> doing
>> your best, and from what  it seems, you are doing a noble job holding it
>> all  together and raising your son during a stretching time  of his life
>> where even in a picket fence situation there would be normal challenges.
>>
>> Brad