Thank you I will try to keep the stress level down by concentrating on other
things  You are such a help.  Thank you again..
----- Original Message -----
From: Kathy Du Bois <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2006 1:59 PM
Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris


> Angel,
>          Oh boy, do I remember the headaches.   In my case, it was
> from crying so much and always feeling under the gun, so to speak,
> from Chris's outrageous behavior.  You're situation is very hard.  At
> least I had, and still have, Greg to step behind when it gets
> tough.  You don't have that, but need to be the front person.  My
> only advice would be to keep your life as simple and stress free as
> possible.  You don't need more things in your life to stress you
> out.  For me, learning to knit was a big blessing.  If I couldn't
> handle the stress of being yelled at by Chris, I could bury myself in
> counting stitches.  My mind would completely disengage and take a
> vacation from the situation.  Then, I would fill the void with
> memorized scripture or prayer.  That would keep me from reacting to
> whatever Chris was doing and help me stay calm.  I don't know what
> will work for you, but you need to create as much of a peaceful space
> as you can so that your whole life isn't taken up with the
> craziness.  Also, you are right to practice tough love whenever you
> can.  Your son needs that, even though he is fighting you over
> it.  You know, he is probably very angry over the situation with his
> father.  While other fathers are there to relate too and do things
> with, unfortunately, your husband cannot be there for you or your
> son.  If you can, you may want to try to give him an opportunity to
> vent over the fact that his Dad has dementia.  It just might become
> something that will bind the two of you together rather than continue
> to push you apart.
>          You are in a really tough spot, Angel.  There's no doubt
> about it.  Get out of whatever stress you can and let the Lord carry
> as much of it as possible.  He is willing, believe me.  He is willing.
> You are in my prayers.
> Blessings,
> Kathy
>
>
> At 06:50 AM 1/21/2006, you wrote:
> >Thank you so much for your support.  I just will have to trust God will
turn
> >things around for the better ass soon as I would like.  I know he will
but
> >how soon is the question? I get so tired at times.  It is hard not to
sink
> >to his level when arguing.  He loves to bate me and watch me go into
> >emotional meltdown.  This surge of emotions causes me to have horrible
> >headaches the day after such an argument.  I had to go to work today
after
> >such an argument yesterday.  I told him I was sick and he said he was
going
> >to clean up the yard.  and he would return in half an hour.  He was
suppose
> >to help me take the dog to the vet to have the vet look at her broken
leg.
> >He left and failed to come home for hours.  I was so sick I couldn't even
> >look for him.  I barely got home from work.  I swear if I don't learn to
> >control my own emotions concerning our issues I shall give myself a
stroke
> >or something.  I must go to the doctor soon, and I hate them, as these
> >headaches may be a sign of high blood pressure. Sometimes I think he just
> >doesn't care at all what happens to either of us and that hurts.
> >----- Original Message -----
> >From: MV <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: <[log in to unmask]>
> >Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2006 4:14 AM
> >Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris
> >
> >
> > > Angel,
> > >
> > > Sorry to hear about your husband's worsening condition, that has got
to be
> > > terribly difficult. As well your son's behavior. Perhaps those times
of
> > > being spoken to properly  and your positive response to that will show
him
> > > by experience how much more pleasant things can be. The leverage is
been
> > > removed or reduced though society and law for a parent to be able to
> > > properly discipline or raise kids. So much disrespect is among  kids
today
> > > compared to years ago they grow up not knowing any differently
watching
> > > their peers get away with it. For most of us, if we spoke a cross word
to
> > > one of our parents growing up we'd have gotten a "what for" somehow
and
> > > would have known it was coming the minute we spewed it out of our
mouth.
> > >  From that leverage came the threshold of what you could get away
with,
> >and
> > > ability to build positive relationships. It is very difficult to get
that
> > > leverage back once it is turned backwards, but with God you don't know
how
> > > he can turn it around at any time. With dad being  unable to perform
his
> > > role as parent, that unfortunately leaves you with both, at times
being
> >the
> > > strong bold one, and yet being the compassionate and soft spoken one.
> > >
> > > Brad