Dear Kathy,
     Your situation with Chris has touched my heart.  Please
forgive me for not writing sooner, but I'm just not as fluent as
most people.  Sometimes I think I need an Aaron.
     Control, manipulation, and domination are very treacherous
characteristics for anyone to possess.  I know a very precious
person who has been victimized through the use of those,
and other tactics by certain X lovers.  The other tactics to which
I'm referring include, but are not limited to, disrespect, verbal
abuse, belittlement, degradation, ridicule of higher education
and of religion, and even revilement of our Lord Jesus, right in
the face of the above mentioned victim.  The effects of those
atrocious experiences have been devastating for that precious
individual, who is struggling to reestablish a positive identity.
     How much more difficult it would be to contend with a similar
situation involving a family member!  One can usually terminate
an undesirable  relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend with a
minimum of adversity; but you cannot simply dismiss, ignore,
or disregard a relative.  Children, siblings, parents, etc.,
are family members forever; and we must find some way to
cope with them.
     I think someone has mentioned this before; but it seems to
me, Kathy, that the best way to deal with Chris, although
perhaps not the easiest, is the tough love approach.
You should say to him, "Chris, I love you, and I'm praying for you.
But whenever you intend to stay in my home, you must obey the
house rules."  Then you should be absolutely certain that he
knows the house rules; and if he refuses to keep them,
he shouldn't be permitted to stay there.  Kathy, sweetie, please
let me say this as kindly as I can.  You cannot, must not, allow
yourself and your household to be controlled, manipulated,
and/or dominated!  That will only cause stress, which can lead
to much greater problems.  This might also apply to Phil's
and Sandy's situation with Gretchen.
     Heavenly Father, I know that control of one or more persons
over others is rarely good.  However, that which is written in
Your Word concerning the fruit of The Spirit, self control, is very
good.  That which is far better still is control of The Holy Spirit,
when we ask Him to help us, guide us, and direct us.  Father,
in the name of Jesus, I pray for Kathy, that you will give her the
wisdom and understanding to handle the situation with her son,
Chris, in the way You would handle it.  Help her to follow the
leading of The Holy Spirit.  Give her spiritual eyes to see,
and spiritual ears to hear.  Be also with Chris, and soften his
heart to receive the truth.  Please, Lord, do the same for Phil,
Sandy, and Gretchen, that Your Holy name may be glorified
throughout this entire fellowship, and beyond.
     May God's richest blessings be upon you and your
household, Kathy, and also upon you, Phil and Sandy, and your
household.
David