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Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2005 5:34 AM
Subject: Fwd: Noah
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From: Vicki <[log in to unmask]>
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Sent: Sun, 27 Nov 2005 21:57:11 -0500
Subject: Noah
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was
now living in the United States, and said, "Once again the earth has
become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before
me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans, their sons and their wives."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6
months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and
40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have
changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system! . My neighbors claim that I've
violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the
Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I
told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls -- but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by
an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild
animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too
restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a
confined space. I am required to apply for 834 different licenses to keep
wild beasts on private property."
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.
Further, the pitch to water-poof the ark has been banned by the EPA as
inimical to the environment."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The scaffolding to
build the super structure is not OSHA-approved and is forbidden to
use except for private structures less than 5 cubits..."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To
make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me,
Lord, but it would,take at least 100 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder
and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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