This testimony isn't finalize but I thought it might help someone.

The Cost Of Grief


By Phil Scovell






     both my parents are with the Lord.  I have, since I was just
11 years of age, experienced a lot of grief and loss.  I didn't
recognize it for what it was for literally decades.  My father
died when I was 11 years old.  when mom passed away in late 2002
at 80 years of age, I was 50 years old.  Of course I felt
sadness.  Yes, I cried, and often.  I missed her deeply and sorrow
was painful.  These emotions are normal, up to a point, and for a
reasonable amount of time, but if such feelings are abnormally
prolonged, or become debilitating, there are other problems which
need to be addressed.

     Recently I was proofreading a new chapter I was adding to my
book called "The Deceitfulness Of Sin."  I was using my own
personal experiences concerning the death of my mother and father
to address the subject of grief.  Mom's death I expected for
several years due to strokes.  It was finally a stroke that took
her life.  Somehow, it seemed as if I had said my goodbyes to her
many years before.  To say her death was easier on me, however,
wouldn't be the way I felt, actually, but after all, I was 50
years old at the time and able to reason a lot better than when I
was a child.  When it came to my father, on the other hand, I felt
for decades that I had been robbed of him because he died
unexpectedly.  Plus, I never got to see him before he died nor did
I get to say goodbye to him.

     Through intercessory prayer, I have experienced a great deal
of healing related to my dad, his death, and other emotional
problems which passed on to me.  I never knew about these things,
of course, growing up.  Through prayer, my goodbyes had been said
and other very dramatic experiences, spiritually speaking, have
occurred in recent years which have afforded a miraculous amount
of emotional healing.

     As I have mentioned, I was recently proofreading a new
chapter on grief.  I was focused on the part of the story when I
came home from school, found a house full of people I knew, and my
mom told me that dad had died that day.  If you have ever lost a
parent as a child, or had a miscarriage, or lost a young child,
you know what it was like.  If you haven't, there are no words to
describe the emotional trauma that slammed into my body and mind
at that moment in time.

     As I read, through proofreading my book, about this most
emotionally devastating time of my life, suddenly all those
emotions seemed to rush in upon me again.  Seated at my work desk
in my office and reading the words on the screen with the aid of
my voice synthesizer, I felt slammed backward in time with such
force, tears came to my eyes.  I instantly felt as if a two inch
hole in the center of my chest opened up.  It was like a large gun
had been placed against my chest and someone was beginning to
squeeze the trigger to blow me away.  It was literally a physical
sensation.  I heard the words form in my mind and I think I said
them out loud.  "Dad, why did you leave me?"  Tears instantly
formed in the corners of my eyes and burned like fire.  My
relationship with the Lord immediately kicked into what I call a
Search And Destroy mission or a SAD for short.  This means that I
attempt, through prayer and feelings in my thoughts, to search
for the cause, in order to discover the root.  Instantly, I heard
myself saying in my thoughts, "That's not what Jesus told me about
my dad."  My mind flashed so rapidly to various points of truth I
had learned from the Lord concerning my dad, I couldn't even keep
up with the memories.  I at once recognized the spiritual truth
the Lord was speaking to me about what was occurring and that I
was being lied to by the Enemy.  The feelings were present in full
force, the thoughts were there, the tears were real, and the grief
was almost overbearing.  I literally felt 11 years old for a
split second as the feelings detonated within my emotions.
Curiously, the moment I realized what I was feeling and
experiencing at that very instant of memory time, and confessed it
was totally contrary to what Jesus had revealed in times past, the
feelings and the tears, and the question why my dad left me
suddenly vanished.  I nearly laughed out loud.  I recognized the
trick of the Enemy.  He had used a devilish lie, literal physical
impressions, my very own emotions, and real tears, to execute an
attempt to regain a foothold related to a previously healed area
by the Lord.  I was shocked, momentarily, at the realization of
the power of his deceptiveness.  Plus, I almost fell for it.
Thank God, the truth of the True Lord Jesus Christ shattered,
splintered, and totally blew away the Enemy's attempts of evil
perpetrated against me.

     this leads me to some very important points.  As I have said
in other testimonies, I was taught in Bible college, and by a very
prominent professor, "If you leave Satan alone, he will leave you
alone."  I have learned the hard way, this is probably one of
Satan's most devastating and deceptive lies.  Additionally, the
Enemy will even use emotions and feelings to attempt deceptively
to move against God's people.  Unfortunately, many Christians
simply do not believe this is possible.  I didn't either.  Since I
have experienced it dozens of times, I now know better and thank
God for His truth spoken through the written word of God and the
living Words of Christ.


Safe Place Fellowship
Phil Scovell
Denver, Colorado
Mountain Time Zone
303-507-5175
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com


Learning Jesus
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com