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I figured I would summarize the feedback I got from my post because it seemed to bring all kinds of people out of the woodwork.  
Some were aghast that I would ever consider using a regular bakery at all.  I had a shower about a month ago where the flourless chocolate cake was served and prepared by a regular caterer, and though I'm very sensitive to even small amounts of gluten, I had no trouble.  The people at bakery I talked to were knowledgeable, understood cross-contamination issues, and were very willing to help with the situation.  I was excited that the word has gotten out so much that a bakery would have readily available such a great solution.  

Many people were concerned about cross-contamination with the other layers.  The top two layers will be gluten free and the bottom layers that will be served to everyone else will be regular cake.  I will either have them separated so that they are never touching, or on a tiered holder where the layers are held by separate pieces and not stacked on top of each other.  We are decorating with flowers, so the frosting does not have to be complicated.  Since they will be cooked and put together separately, I am not worried about this.  Someone else wrote me extremely concerned that I was walking into a disaster.  I found here and with my caterer that asking the right questions showed me whether they were truly knowledgeable about my food allergy.  This bakery is.

Some people wrote asking about what I did with my caterer to ensure I could eat the food at the wedding.  I talked to my caterer up front and asked if they could provide a gluten free meal for me.  They said they would make whatever I requested.  

Another person and wrote that they saw a wedding where they had individual cakes (9 inch round 3 layer cakes) made for each table instead of a traditional wedding cake, allowing for individual needs to be met.  The bride and groom walked around giving the cake cutter to each table (the longest married couple cut the cake)

Several people suggested cheesecake and another suggested making a gluten free cake with a mix to supplement to the wedding cake.

One person recounted this funny story:  "We had one or two layers made gf and the rest regular white wedding cake.  Well, I think our baker made the gf ones a couple of days in advance (like most wedding cakes I'm sure).  We chose to cut into one of the gf cakes and had to use both hands on the knife (both of us).  It had gone stale.  We were laughing so hard and the pictures are great!!!  At one point our photographer put down the camera and asked if it was a joke!  So find out when they make it and advise them to do what they can to extend the life of the cake.  Remember gf does not keep well."  
At one point a gluten free bakery was going to make my cake ahead and freeze it, and I was afraid of exactly that.  I am meeting with the bakery to talk to them but flourless chocolate cake is not as much cake-like as it is more like cheesecake in consistency.  It sounded like they were going to make it all fresh.  This is a better option because it doesn't use any flour at all and keeps much better.

thanks for all the feedback....I'm excited to meet with the bakery and get this squared away!
susan

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