Kathy, Dear,

Perhaps you should assess what your monitoring has accompished.  Has it
kept Chris out of jail?  Has it made his reputation with the authorities
better?  Has it kept him from using illegal drugs?  Has it stopped him from
being deceitful?  Has it calmed him down so he isn't violent against
you?  Has it brought you peace and satisfaction knowing what he is up
to?  Are you, Greg, Chris and your other children any better off than
before you began the monitoring?  I pray that you can reply yes to some of
these questions, and I refer only to the monitoring, not to any of the
other efforts you have put forth.

 From what information I have been able to get on drug testing using urine,
if a legitimate laboratory does the test and the sample is clear, it will
be suspected that it has been watered down.  A good lab will do further
testing, like checking the person's creatinine levels, or even do the test
on hair or perspiration.   I can't imagine that plain water would pass the
test if the test is done correctly.

I am so sorry that you have experienced such turmoil in your life.  But
before you make a decision to tell Chris you have been monitoring him,
consider what the consequences of that may be.  I know you don't trust
Chris, and that you have monitored him out of your love, wanting to help
him, but telling him just may so turn him against you and Greg that he will
lose all respect for you.  He could turn bitter and resentful knowing that
you cannot be relied upon to tell him the truth.  And how will telling him
affect your witness as a Christian??  Even if you told him and apologized
for it, would he ever trust you again?

This may seem harsh, but I certainly don't mean it that way.  One very
important thing to remember while wondering what to do in this situation,
is that you and Greg are the adults, not Chris.  He is a rebellious child,
more interested in pleasing his peers than in pleasing you or the
Lord.  You may have to just let him go and make all the mistakes he needs
to make before God brings him to his knees.  And believe me, He will!

Hang in there, dear Kathy!  This nightmare will end, and the dawning of a
new day will bring you the Peace that passes understanding.  God knows your
heart's cry for your son.  He wept for His own Son as He hung upon that
cross at Calvary, and may even weep today over the rejection of Him by so
many who have had the opportunity to come, but refused.

With love and deep concern,
Helen

Earlier, Kathy Du Bois wrote:
>Hi guys,
>         Well, I told you that there would be twists and turns.  Chris
> passed the
>drug test.  That really shocked us until we got home and monitered his
>calls to his girlfriend and his druggy friend and learned that he cheated
>and put water in the cup.  His girlfriends had told him to make sure that
>it was warm, not cold.  Chris followed her advice and got another clean
>report.  Now he thinks that he's in the clear until his court date July
>12th.  Last night, I overheard him trying to meet up with another dealer to
>get some weed.  Chris is getting money because he is doing some odd jobs
>for our neighbor, who doesn't have the greatest reputation either.  this
>guy pays Chris in cash so we never see it.  chris doesn't tell us how much
>he is getting, so we can't put a finger on how much he has so he can keep
>trying to get weed, but pretend to be innocent with us.  It's crazy making.
>         I have to admit that, for me, yesterday was a real
> cricess  moment in my
>faith.  I believe that we did all the right things.  We tried to have
>him  hold Chris accountable and face the consequences of his actions.  Now,
>I wrestle with the question of, "why?"  It's that same old question that
>God doesn't usually answer, but I'm puzzling over why God let Chris get
>away with this?  I'm feeling let down by Him!
>         Another issue that Greg and I are wrestling with is whether or not we
>should let Chris know that he is being monitered so closely by us.  We
>began monitering when Chris started sneaking out in the middle of the night
>and not telling us where he had been or where he was going  and refusing to
>give us the names of his friends.  He never seemed to have any money and
>this was odd since he was earning more than $100 a week.     He wouldn't
>talk to us so we started investigating on our own to try to get a handle on
>things.  We've managed to get a couple of people busted and we have been
>able to continue to be very aware of Chris's activities:  something we feel
>is justified since he is still under our roof and we are still completely
>responsible for him.  But, I'm interested in your opinions.  Would you
>tell?  Have we fallen into the trap of being deceitful just like Chris is,
>or are we doing the right thing?  You know, in a way, I think about how God
>knows everything  too, but He knows what He is doing.  He knows what is
>right.  I need to seek the counsel of others for in that there is wisdom.
>Kathy