oh, these are good. you know i'll be forwarding them.
--- Kathy Salkin <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Along the lines of Ken's last one ...
>
>
> Joke # 1:
>
> Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she
> is standing on
> the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all
> of a sudden a
> huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly
> over the spot
> where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and
> the boy is no
> longer there. He simply vanished.
>
> Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God,
> how could you? Have
> I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have
> I not given to
> Bnai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very
> best to live a life
> that you would be proud of?"
>
> Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere
> and crashes on
> the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing
> there, smiling,
> splashing around as if nothing had happened.
>
> A loud voice booms from the sky, "I have returned
> your grandson. Are
> you satisfied?"
>
> Sarah responded, "Well ... He WAS wearing a hat."
>
>
> Joke # 2:
>
>
>
> A little girl was in church with her mother when she
> started feeling
> ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No."
> her mother replied.
>
> "Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the
> girl.
>
> "Then go out the front door and around to the back
> of the church and
> throw up behind a bush." said her mother.
>
> After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned
> to her seat. "Did
> you throw up?" her mother asked.
>
> "Yes," the little girl replied.
>
> "How could you have gone all the way to the back of
> the church and
> returned so quickly?" her mother asked.
>
> "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They
> have a box next
> to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."
>
>
> Joke # 3:
>
> About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that
> all the Jews had
> to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from
> the Jewish
> community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a
> religious debate
> with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew
> won, the Jews could
> stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
>
> Having no choice, the Jews picked a middle aged man
> named Moishe to
> represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the
> debate. To make
> it more interesting, neither side would be allowed
> to talk. The pope
> agreed.
>
> The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the
> Pope sat opposite
> each other for a full minute before the Pope raised
> his hand and
> showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and
> raised one
> finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle
> around his head.
> Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope
> pulled out a
> wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an
> apple. The Pope
> stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good.
> The Jews can stay."
>
> An hour later, the cardinals were all around the
> Pope asking him what
> happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three
> fingers to represent
> the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger
> to remind me that
> there was still one God common to both our
> religions. Then I waved my
> finger around me to show him that God was all around
> us. He responded
> by pointing to the ground and showing that god was
> also right here
> with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to
> show that god
> absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to
> remind me of
> original sin. He had an answer for everything. What
> could I do?"
>
> Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around
> Moishe. "What
> happened?" they asked.
>
> "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the
> Jews had three
> days to get out of here. I told him that not one of
> us was leaving.
> Then he told me that this whole city would be
> cleared of Jews. I let
> him know that we were staying right here."
>
> "And then?" asked a woman.
>
> "I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his
> lunch and I took
> out mine."
>
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