Rhonda,

It is very common for those with a drug or alcohol problem to deny there
is a problem, to be manipulative,, anything they can use to continue to
"do business as usual". That is part of the illness or lie fed through the
substance. They will buck the system all the way until they realize there
is a problem, and even then some do not get serious about it until they
have a change of heart for the matter. Your dad too, is sort of caught up
in it, being drawn in to mom's plea or denial there is no problem, or at
least he was, hopefully he now sees there indeed is a problem. Let mom
think what she will as far as quote, "putting her someplace", once off the
affects of the drugs, hopefully she will be able to see much clearer the
issue and find a change of heart towards their usage. At that point she
then can begin to work on the issues or lies that motivated her to lean
towards drugs in the first place.  It is in deed difficult to be a
bystander when ones we love are suffering. I guess one might think if I
were in that situation, what would I appreciate from others? A solemn,
sorrowful face, or a cheerful, hopeful one showing faith and love. All
those years of unconditional love and support she has given to others now
can come to her many fold over to help her in this difficult time.  God's
peace be upon all of your family.

Brad


on 04:51 PM 3/31/2005, Rhonda said:
Thanks,  I just feel so drained when I come  home from the hospital, Mom
says that Dad is "trying to put me somewhere" I tried to explain that she
really needed help as she had almost died twice in the past two months!
she doesn't ever say she needs help, or even admits to having a problem.

They will not know for sure about my  grandmother's cancer until Tuesday,
but if it is positive, she would not be a candidate for chemotherapy or
surgery due to her poor health.  The doctor said she would be here for a
year maybe..
She has smoked all of her life, and I know that has contributed... but
that
doesn't make it any easier,
she has always been the one source of unconditional love
It is a fact of life, that as we get older, so does everyone else, I just
hate to think of her having to go through all that cancer means for a
whole
year.  I too am fairly certain she has it, she  has lost a lot of weight
over the past six months, she weighs around 80 pounds now, she is 75 years
old.

It is just such a hard situation, going to the hospital every day,
I  know one thing, that we are only responsible for our own actions, we
can
not make, will, or convince others to behave in a certain way, we can
however, get the ones we love help especially when we see they are a
danger
to themselves and that they have a problem that they can not solve all
alone!
They may not see our intervention as love, but it is love, love in its
truest form.

Rhonda