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Date: | Sat, 25 Dec 2004 23:54:22 -0700 |
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Hey Phil,
I heard on Paul Harvey that in one of the Pentacostal churches, the were
going to have a Starbux kiosk, to attrack more people .
I'm sure this will work more than the gospel.
Vinny
P.S I'm sure Jesus is really impressed.
Vinny----- Original Message -----
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, December 25, 2004 12:48 PM
Subject: The New Church
> After watching pro sports for much of my life fill stadiums with 50 to 80
> thousand fans and charging any where from 30 to 100 dollars each, and
> sometimes more, I am going to start a new church. It will function much
> like a sports bar with huge TV screens scattered throughout the warehouse
> sized buildings. On each screen will be a different television preacher
> doing his best to convince you that his message is true and soliciting
your
> offering. Each TV star will have his own personal cheer leading team of
> half dressed young women attempting to attract people to his message. In
> some cases, of course, it will be a woman preaching on the TV so there can
> be male cheer leaders then, too, if she wants. There will be free
alcoholic
> drinks and lots of free food as well. Such warehouse new age churches
will
> mushroom in popularity over night. Waiters and waitresses will be
mingling
> throughout the crowd making certain everybody is happy. Special people
> dressed in white clothing will circulate through the vast crowds of people
> with offering plates. Once people are high, or well lubricated, they will
> be happy to turn their pockets inside out for Jesus. We will have puppet
> shows for the kids going on in all four corners of the huge building and a
> couple of mass Choirs singing all the popular songs of the day and at
either
> end of the long building. The new age Church warehouse buildings will be
so
> long, either choir won't be able to be heard by either group as they sing.
> The new age Church will be opened from Friday night till midnight on
Sunday
> night so the church goers will be a never ending group of worshippers
coming
> and going all weekend. This will make it convenient for the Lord when
> ministering to people. You see, Jesus won't have to be stuck trying to
get
> through to people during a couple of hours just on Sunday mornings. There
> will be valet parking all over the area including shuttle bussing from
> multiple locations as much as 10 miles from the church building. Clowns
and
> jugglers and fire eaters and others dressed in animal suits will also
mingle
> among the crowds offering one on one entertainment. The weekend theme
will
> always be, Joy to the world. It is time the church stop nickel and diming
> the poor and go after the big money and this new age Church will
accomplish
> all of that and more.
>
> Phil.
>
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