Chris,

I will just add an amen to what Rhonda and Kathy have shared with you based
on your comments.  Dealing with the insurance change the way medical is
today is many times not easy.  We'll be praying with you that you are able
to locate competent help within your system of, I think you said Medicaid.
People here really have honest concern and care for you.  I'm so glad this
list of brothers and sisters in Christ does love and care for one another.

Vicki

----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris Gilland" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, November 15, 2004 2:43 PM
Subject: Re: Boiling with an aching heart


> Guys, i really hope that you'll hear me out on this, OK... I really, am
> systematically trying to write this mail totally and wholely out of love,
> and not that of hatred.
>
> With that said just hear me out on this.
>
> fA ton of you have said that I need medical help.  Yes, this is true, and
> yes, I've been looking to get it.  The problem is, that now, since I'm
> married, it's harder, because I'm no longer on my parents' private
> insurance.  All that I now have is state of NC Medicade.  I have yet to
> really find too many doctors that take medicade.  The one I am with is no
> good, as he thinks he's right, and never really cares to listen to how I
> feel.  I know you all are all saying that i shouldn't ev en try to contact
> jessica.  I'd like to make a point, and again, I'm not mad at all, nor am
I
> arguing, nor pitching a hissy fit.  I'm simply trying to level with you
all
> and understand where you all are coming from, in a mature adult manor.  I
> know i've discussed in great detail before about my OCD.  i know that this
> has freaked out a lot of you.  I can humbally understand you all's fears
and
> concerns with that in mind, but, Jessica is not a person whom this comes
> back to.  If you know what i mean.  She's my cousin, and i love her
dearly.
> I'd not ever wish to do anything to ever harm anyone, much less her or her
> immediate family.  Again, i understand you all's concerment on that
regard,
> but i'd like to ask that you all please trust me with this, so help me
God.
> My next point that I'd like to bring out is, I've had some people who have
> said we can pray, and will, but... so on so forth.  I do take slight minor
> offense to this statement, as what better place is there to go in times
like
> this of trouble, but to God, himself?  I almost kind of feel as if you all
> are saying, well, we can pray, but that isn't adiquit.  I know that God
can
> do miricals, and even though I do not feel so right now, I still am trying
> to be strong, and have faith to believe it.  And what faith I do not have,
i
> pray that God will give to me.  I guess all in a whole what I'm trying to
> say, again, out of love, and of nothing else, is I feel a bit as if you
all
> are not really fully taking this seriously.  I mean, like, on one hand,
you
> all are, and believe me folks, I know you all are, but shouldn't there be
an
> oppertunity for prayer, more than just, we can, but... 7you really need...
> even more...
>
> You know.  What can jpeople need more than the relationship with God of
> prayer.  See where I'm coming from?  it's nothing directly related to you
> all, nor am I saying you all are bad people, don't get me wrong.  I'm only
> stating a feeling of hurt, in that I feel that we are all, and this even
> includes myself, not trust in God with this matter as  much as probably we
> should be.  I feel God would help, but we need to have faith.  That's
> sometimes hard, but with his grace, and his love, it can be done.
>
> I appreciate you all reading this, and that isn't just a soured grape
> statement either.  I mean it.  It does mean a lot to me.  I certain see
the
> point that you all are coming from, and can say honestly, that you all
have
> the right to feel as you do, but please at least try to take in
> consideration also where I'm coming from.  not that I'm accusing you all
> aren't, I'm simply noting how i feel.
>
>
> Thank you.
>
>
> Chris.
>