Guys, i really hope that you'll hear me out on this, OK... I really, am
systematically trying to write this mail totally and wholely out of love,
and not that of hatred.

With that said just hear me out on this.

fA ton of you have said that I need medical help.  Yes, this is true, and
yes, I've been looking to get it.  The problem is, that now, since I'm
married, it's harder, because I'm no longer on my parents' private
insurance.  All that I now have is state of NC Medicade.  I have yet to
really find too many doctors that take medicade.  The one I am with is no
good, as he thinks he's right, and never really cares to listen to how I
feel.  I know you all are all saying that i shouldn't ev en try to contact
jessica.  I'd like to make a point, and again, I'm not mad at all, nor am I
arguing, nor pitching a hissy fit.  I'm simply trying to level with you all
and understand where you all are coming from, in a mature adult manor.  I
know i've discussed in great detail before about my OCD.  i know that this
has freaked out a lot of you.  I can humbally understand you all's fears and
concerns with that in mind, but, Jessica is not a person whom this comes
back to.  If you know what i mean.  She's my cousin, and i love her dearly.
I'd not ever wish to do anything to ever harm anyone, much less her or her
immediate family.  Again, i understand you all's concerment on that regard,
but i'd like to ask that you all please trust me with this, so help me God.
My next point that I'd like to bring out is, I've had some people who have
said we can pray, and will, but... so on so forth.  I do take slight minor
offense to this statement, as what better place is there to go in times like
this of trouble, but to God, himself?  I almost kind of feel as if you all
are saying, well, we can pray, but that isn't adiquit.  I know that God can
do miricals, and even though I do not feel so right now, I still am trying
to be strong, and have faith to believe it.  And what faith I do not have, i
pray that God will give to me.  I guess all in a whole what I'm trying to
say, again, out of love, and of nothing else, is I feel a bit as if you all
are not really fully taking this seriously.  I mean, like, on one hand, you
all are, and believe me folks, I know you all are, but shouldn't there be an
oppertunity for prayer, more than just, we can, but... 7you really need...
even more...

You know.  What can jpeople need more than the relationship with God of
prayer.  See where I'm coming from?  it's nothing directly related to you
all, nor am I saying you all are bad people, don't get me wrong.  I'm only
stating a feeling of hurt, in that I feel that we are all, and this even
includes myself, not trust in God with this matter as  much as probably we
should be.  I feel God would help, but we need to have faith.  That's
sometimes hard, but with his grace, and his love, it can be done.

I appreciate you all reading this, and that isn't just a soured grape
statement either.  I mean it.  It does mean a lot to me.  I certain see the
point that you all are coming from, and can say honestly, that you all have
the right to feel as you do, but please at least try to take in
consideration also where I'm coming from.  not that I'm accusing you all
aren't, I'm simply noting how i feel.


Thank you.


Chris.