Hello, everyone:

Well, life has certainly been interesting, full of ups and downs, twists and
turns.  Firstly, let me apologize for my very long hiaitis from the list,
and truthfullly, from any form of communication.  I caught up with some mail
and I guess I'd better set a few facts straight.

Firstly, I would never blacklist anyone for good, sound advice given in
genuine love.  I don't operate that way, nor will I ever do so.  I have been
on this list for quite a while and have cherished the advice given from my
echurch family.

Secondly, no, I'm not married.  Alex and I had talked about marriage and had
gotten way ahead of ourselves.  I was supposed to go to England this summer,
but that sort of got canceled due to my breaking up with Alex!  He still
wanted to be friends and come out here in July, which I allowed.  It
solidified my reasons for breaking up with him.  He's a nice guy, but things
were going too fast.  When we broke up, he said such things as "oh yes, well
go ahead and have sex with other guys', or 'I don't understand why you won't
have sex with me, you're the kind of girl that likes it casual'.  He said
some of these things while at my house, and I should have kicked him out,
but I wanted to be welcoming and warm.  But there is truly a difference
between being a good hostess and being a doormat for verbal abuse.  As he
left, I told him that he was no longer welcome here if all he could do was
insult me.  Friends do not actively seek to hurt each other, and I don't
have to deal with that. I get that enough from my father, I certainly don't
have to take it from this guy.   In other news, I just had someone here to
visit and I suppose we are dating, but this time slow and steady wins the
race.  I'm in no rush to play relationship volleyball.  It's tiring, and I'm
ready to pick up my toys and go home.  *grin*

I am no longer in school.  I believe that I should be getting a job, as my
most immediate needs are financial.  I have to be motivated to do it, and I
am also afraid.  But I know that whatever I do, I'll work hard to make sure
that it goes to fruition and that I do a good job.

I suppose I should talk about what's happening with me spiritually.  This
won't be easy, but I am a candid person.  I stopped going to church
regularly around January or so.  I know this is going to sound as though I
am some kind of know-it all, but I don't mean for it to by any means.  Our
church is a fairly large church.  I was involved with the choir for quite
some time.  Once I slipped away from that, I slipped away from everything
else too.  I wasn't feeling at home there, but that was probably because I
wasn't going there to feel at home.  And the longer you stay away, the
harder it is to come back.  I see so many programs within the church, we are
apparently bridging from 40 days of purpose to something else that is new
and different and exciting.  I have told myself that I'm going to go this
sunday and rejoin the choir.  The choir is like a family within the family,
and much happens during the rehearsals.  I know that I am responsible for my
walk with God, but it feels like I have no energy to put in to it.  I have
been praying and I know and recognize the need for God  to be the central
focus of my life, but I suppose I wonder why that has to be in a church
setting.

To be quite honest, I wish we could be more like the new testament churches
that met in homes.  That would be the ideal church or setting for me. I do
not pretend that there is a perfect church, there isn't.  I may not even be
explaining my situation.  These are honest thoughts, not excuses.

Lexus is doing well, after quite the scare at the ACB convention where he
was passing blood in his stool.  He then lost about fourteen pounds and in
August, he was passing a lot of blood.  That seems to be rectified now, and
he is on the mend, thank the lord!

I look forward to being a more active participant on the list.  I am sorry
if you all were worried.  I love you all.

Hugs,
Meka