Precious Meka!
We are glad you're back and I personally have missed you. (I've been
away myself and am still posting only occasionally) so I've missed
everyone too!
This "boy friend" thing can certainly tear us up but, you're right, you
don't have to take any form of abuse. Good for you for putting an end
to it. God will heal you, I know, from those hurts.
So far as energy is concerned both for work and for church, I know these
realities and can only pray on with you at this stage. You are right,
though, that it gets very hard to get back into church if you stay out
long enough. I did it and, though I'm in a far from perfect setting,
I'm glad I now have the discipline of my local church and accountability
to others in it.
I'm pausing for more prayer for you as I write.
I feel it on my heart that God will show you who you are in Himself and,
in doing this, He may also show you who you are no longer! That person
dies, with all the carnality of the flesh. What we see is a beautiful
sister in Christ who is ready to meet Him in the air, or wherever that
may be!
Praying on for you, dear sister.
In Him:
--
Carol (UK)
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-----Original Message-----
From: Echurch-USA The Electronic Church
[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Tomeka White
Sent: 18 September 2004 02:16
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: precious Echurch family
Hello, everyone:
Well, life has certainly been interesting, full of ups and downs, twists
and turns. Firstly, let me apologize for my very long hiaitis from the
list, and truthfullly, from any form of communication. I caught up with
some mail and I guess I'd better set a few facts straight.
Firstly, I would never blacklist anyone for good, sound advice given in
genuine love. I don't operate that way, nor will I ever do so. I have
been on this list for quite a while and have cherished the advice given
from my echurch family.
Secondly, no, I'm not married. Alex and I had talked about marriage and
had gotten way ahead of ourselves. I was supposed to go to England this
summer, but that sort of got canceled due to my breaking up with Alex!
He still wanted to be friends and come out here in July, which I
allowed. It solidified my reasons for breaking up with him. He's a
nice guy, but things were going too fast. When we broke up, he said
such things as "oh yes, well go ahead and have sex with other guys', or
'I don't understand why you won't have sex with me, you're the kind of
girl that likes it casual'. He said some of these things while at my
house, and I should have kicked him out, but I wanted to be welcoming
and warm. But there is truly a difference between being a good hostess
and being a doormat for verbal abuse. As he left, I told him that he
was no longer welcome here if all he could do was insult me. Friends do
not actively seek to hurt each other, and I don't have to deal with
that. I get that enough from my father, I certainly don't
have to take it from this guy. In other news, I just had someone here
to
visit and I suppose we are dating, but this time slow and steady wins
the race. I'm in no rush to play relationship volleyball. It's tiring,
and I'm ready to pick up my toys and go home. *grin*
I am no longer in school. I believe that I should be getting a job, as
my most immediate needs are financial. I have to be motivated to do it,
and I am also afraid. But I know that whatever I do, I'll work hard to
make sure that it goes to fruition and that I do a good job.
I suppose I should talk about what's happening with me spiritually.
This won't be easy, but I am a candid person. I stopped going to church
regularly around January or so. I know this is going to sound as though
I am some kind of know-it all, but I don't mean for it to by any means.
Our church is a fairly large church. I was involved with the choir for
quite some time. Once I slipped away from that, I slipped away from
everything else too. I wasn't feeling at home there, but that was
probably because I wasn't going there to feel at home. And the longer
you stay away, the harder it is to come back. I see so many programs
within the church, we are apparently bridging from 40 days of purpose to
something else that is new and different and exciting. I have told
myself that I'm going to go this sunday and rejoin the choir. The choir
is like a family within the family, and much happens during the
rehearsals. I know that I am responsible for my walk with God, but it
feels like I have no energy to put in to it. I have been praying and I
know and recognize the need for God to be the central focus of my life,
but I suppose I wonder why that has to be in a church setting.
To be quite honest, I wish we could be more like the new testament
churches that met in homes. That would be the ideal church or setting
for me. I do not pretend that there is a perfect church, there isn't. I
may not even be explaining my situation. These are honest thoughts, not
excuses.
Lexus is doing well, after quite the scare at the ACB convention where
he was passing blood in his stool. He then lost about fourteen pounds
and in August, he was passing a lot of blood. That seems to be
rectified now, and he is on the mend, thank the lord!
I look forward to being a more active participant on the list. I am
sorry if you all were worried. I love you all.
Hugs,
Meka
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