Well Paul, what would u like to do to Scrouge LIOL. i very very much know
what u mean about praying for the death of hope. I pray it often.
That god who has not chosen to remove certain desires from my life would do
so since it's obvious he doesn't want me using them. Teaching for example. I
ask and ask "God would did u give me a love for this to take it away!" and
get no answer. It can be very frustrating.
I'm not to the point of praying to not desire romance grin. I can't immagine
living a single life happily.

Christmas has always been a tough time for me. The weren't the happiest
times of my childhood so now in addition to those memories I deal with being
once again single. Instead of letting myself get depressed last year, I
found several events to attend. Mostly plays since that's what I enjoy. I
chose ones that focused on the birth of Christ and found it helped me
emmensely.
Anyway I didn't mean to go on and on. I will pray that God holds u close
this Christmas.
Shelly
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----- Original Message -----
From: "Ariel" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2003 11:15 PM
Subject: SICK AT HEART


> "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a
> tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12
>
> While walking through the mall the other day and seeing all of the
> preparations for the holidays, I heard myself saying out loud and felt
> myself meaning it, "I hate Christmas!"  This was a shock to me, as a
> Christian, to be thinking and especially to hear myself blurt out loud in
> public since "Out of the fulness of the heart, the mouth speaks."
>
> Of course, it's not the birth of Christ and all that represents that I was
> talking about.  It wasn't even the crass commercialization of that great
> event.  At least not directly.  (I wish my thoughts had been that noble.)
> It was (you guessed it) the lack of the romantic side of the holidays that
> is so prevalent all around and the feeling that if you're alone for the
> holidays, there's not much point to them or to you.  You know, the
Hallmark
> cards kind of stuff, holding hands and walking through the snow together,
> drinking hot chocolate by the fire, going to parties together, and on and
> on.  That is not love.  I'm not confusing any of that with love.  It's
just
> romantic sentiment, but I miss it and had myself convinced that this would
> be the year, but it obviously is not.  Once again, the hope of that kind
of
> holiday is being deferred, and my heart (as my mouth testifies) is sick
> about it.
>
> As I said the other day, I have had that experience.  Ten years ago I was
in
> love (or thought I was) and experienced all of that sentimental side of
the
> holidays.  I was that guy.  This year, ten years later, I am the Grinch.
I
> want to set fire to Whoville.  I want to hit George Bailey with a snowball
> as he runs through Bedford Falls yelling "Merry Christmas" towards his
wife
> and children and tell him it's not such a wonderful life.  I want to punch
> Rudolph right in his shiny red nose.  And it occurs to me that the reason
is
> Hope.  The pain is from Hope still being alive when it should just face
> reality and die.  It's like a shiny eyed little rodent that keeps gnawing
> away despite every device I have tried to use to get through one more
> season.
>
> Did you ever have a tooth that hurt so much the dentist had to kill the
> nerve?  That's what I'm asking you to pray for, that the LORD would let
this
> hope for romance finally die so that I can be free of this particular
mental
> and emotional pain.
> Nobody has everything they want in life and certainly this is not a major
> thing.
> With all of the physical suffering in the world I have a lot of nerve (no
> pun intended) complaining about such a trivial thing.  But it does
distract
> me (as you all know so well) from being about the Father's business, so I
> hope you will join me in this prayer for the death of this unrealistic
hope.
>
> Paul who thinks Charlie Brown should have saved his money on that stupid
> tree